A Spine-Tingling Story - TDG Fanfic

Unsteady

This chapter's title was taken from the song of the same name by X Ambassadors. I really recommend it, especially the remix by Erich Lee Gravity, it's so beautiful and sad. It's originally about two brothers trying to cope through their parents' divorce, but I think it can also fit with little Ryan badly needing support as his father is dying and his mother is drifting away. Whether he gets that support is another matter entirely.

When Ryan woke, he didn't open his eyes immediately. Partly because he didn't want to waste any more energy. He didn't know how long he'd been out cold for - that would require opening his eyes to check his watch - but, as was often, it wasn't long enough. Maybe he had a fraction of a spoon now. A handle. A bowl. Or just a small spoon. A teaspoon. An inch-long charm spoon worn as jewellery.

One thing he did notice was that he was lying on a soft surface. His bed, probably. Normally, he would've been mortified at the realisation he would've had to be carried there, but instead, he felt something akin to the ghost of mortification. Even feeling things properly seemed too much for him in his frazzled state. Right now, his brain felt like a computer that had been used too much and for too long and had now overheated and crashed.

His ears still felt like they were stuffed with cotton wool. Nothing could be processed. Time felt like thick jelly. Reality was slightly altered, like in a liminal space, or like when you go into a cinema or the theatre and it's dark when you come out.

He wasn't stupid, he remembered what happened with his mother - though she hardly deserved that title anymore - but he was too tired to really feel it. Right now it was more like a heavy raincloud hanging over him, drizzling dismally, rather than a river flooding through a broken dam.

One thing was for sure - he definitely wasn't getting up any time soon.

He would've liked to simply doze off again, sleep the night away, then get up and continue with life as if the whole weekend hadn't happened but his body wouldn't even allow him that luxury. Maybe he was hungry. Ryan didn't know, he rarely felt the pangs of hunger anymore, but if he'd been out for a few hours, then dinner time wouldn't be too far off. Not that he really had a spoon to eat dinner with. The play on words should've been funny.

Ryan's train of thought was interrupted by the sound of his door opening. He still didn't open his eyes, but the faint shuffling sound he heard approaching him indicated footsteps. He curled tighter in on himself, even though it hurt his back and legs. Great, someone was trying to interrupt his very busy evening of moping.

He felt a dip in the bed as they sat down, still not reacting.

"How are you holding up?" said May-Li's voice.

Well, I've just wasted all my spoons, Chloe probably hates me and the whole house saw me lose my shit. But apart from that, just chipper, said Ryan's inner monologue, but not his mouth.

"Are you feeling up to having some dinner?"

No.

May-Li made a small noise of realisation, before saying, "Oh, yeah, if this is about spoons, Mike and I have decided that you can take tomorrow off school, so you can borrow from tomorrow if you need to."

Fuck it. Ryan's eyes opened, his vision blurry at first, but thankfully the light wasn't turned on, despite the sun starting to set outside the window. May-Li was sat on his bed, her face morphed into one of deep concern.

"Feeling up to having dinner?" she asked again.

He shook his head.

She sighed. "You were so, so brave back there," she said. "It's never easy to confront someone who's hurt you like that. You didn't deserve all of this. No one does."