The True Story of Mary and Joseph

stahp, i could have dropped my barley bread

"So, in conclusion, your wife is pregnant and God is the father. And He wants you to adopt his child."

Gabriel promptly hung up on Joseph and let out a deep breath. He was in the clear.

Meanwhile, Joseph stared at his barley bread, that he did, in fact, drop on the dirt floor of his hut. His wife, pregnant?! God, the father??! And who was this Gabriel, an angel messenger that sounded suspiciously like his friend, who had the same name? This whole thing smelled of fish. It was fishy.

"Fresh fish! Fresh fish! Get your fresh fish here!" he could hear outside the door as the fish cart passed. At that moment, Mary walked in.

"You slut," Joseph said and walked out.

Mary ran after him. "I didn't know!" Joseph whirled around.

"You didn't know, that He decided to make a baby with you?! You did go through sex ed in middle school, right!?"

"I'm 14, of course I have!"

"Than you know that when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much..."

"They do the special hug I know I know but I did no such thing with Him!"

Joseph gave in, and gave Mary a (non special) hug. "Thank you for your honesty, and I will raise your child just as I have raised my other children and as they have raised their children. and as they have raised their children."

"How old are you anyway?!" exclaimed Mary, as he clearly was older than she thought."

"Ninety, but that won't stop me from raising your child. I will love it as if they were my own."

Mary made a face, not knowing that her arranged husband was 6.42857143 times her age. She was a mathematical genius, so how she didn't know the likelihood of her getting pregnant, I do not know.