Mary stood in the bathroom in the year 0. She looked at the stick in her hand, saw the little plus, and started crying. Was she happy or upset? Who knows, she cheated on her husband and is pregnant by their friend.
She collected herself and walked outside the gas station to the nearest payphone. She called her side hoe, Gabriel. "Hello?" he asked.
"I have a job for you," she told him.
"Oh..?" he asked suggestively.
"No you whore, you got me pregnant and you get to tell Joseph."
"Fuck a duck!"
"No, you fucked me. And put a baby in it, so go tell my husband that this baby is God's and I'm still a virgin," said Mary in a very commanding tone.
"Bescuse me?!" Gabriel exclaimed.
"You are going to tell my husband that you are an angel, bearing a message from God. I am the mother of His child, and Joseph will be the adoptive father. You get absolutely no say in this, I've decided." Mary was a little bit of a control freak.
Gabriel hung up on her. She stared at the phone in utter disbelief. The nerve on that man.
"How rude," said Stephanie Tanner, driving past the station.
YOU ARE READING
The True Story of Mary and Joseph
Historical FictionJesus' origin story written by an atheist who has never read The Bible (based on a tumblr post I saw on Instagram) edit 2021: i wrote this in 2019 (haven't been on this app for a MINUTE), i still think it's funny but heads up i swear a LOT
