Unforgettable

17.

I'm absolutely fucked if anyone finds out.

Joey is with Dylan, I've had to watch it in front of me for months now, seeing her with Dylan and how she gets to kiss and touch her is like getting dragged through broken glass every day.

But if that means I get to have Joey in my life, as opposed to not at all, than I'll happily take it.

Finn scoffs, giving me a look that says he thinks I'm full of shit "Oh give me a break, even a blind man could see how whipped you are by her"

This can't be happening, I thought I was managing to hide it. It's hard enough keeping up this act every day without someone else knowing having it blow up in my face.

I rest my elbows on the table, threading my fingers into the front of my hair as I frown at him "Is it that obvious?"

Finn raises his brows, pulling his face back like that's the most ridiculous question he's ever heard "It's about as obvious as putting it on a giant flashing billboard that says "I'm in love with you" in front of her, with a big red arrow pointing to your head"

Great job Harry, subtle as a sledge hammer as always you bloody dipshit.

I always manage to screw everything up.

I pull at the roots of my hair as I squeeze my eyes closed "Fuck" I hiss.

I know most people don't believe in love at first sight, but looking back I realised I've been head over heels for this woman since I laid eyes on her, and it's only gotten worse the more I got to know her.

I would always wish for that one person that I would find that ripped the rug right out from under me, the person that struck every fibre in my body, that I loved so deeply I could feel it in my veins.

I was always told I was selfish and worthless, that I could never love anyone except myself.

That I was a piece of shit just like my father.

For the longest time I believed that, and most of me still does, but there's one thing I know for sure now and that's that I can love someone else.

Because of her, I love her so fiercely it hurts.

I remember it clear as day the moment it hit me how hard I'd fallen for her, that she was everything I'd ever wanted, it was the first time I sang for her.

The way she looked at me afterwards, like I was the most incredible person in the world to her, the way she spoke to me, telling me all the things I wish I believed about myself, I thought my heart was going to burst.

Because I know she really meant everything she said, she really believes those things about me.

I almost fucked up then, I almost told her.

It's sadistic irony that, that would be my luck, the universe putting the love of my life right in front of me and I know I'll never be able to have her, like I said, I'm not someone good things happen to.