I ran out of Isacs house shaking. That little word "yet" was dancing in my head and it made me lose my mind.
When i was far enough, i sat down on the street and closed my eyes. Then the flashbacks started to come.
"No, i dont want to.. please.. dont.." i said tearing up already. The man just laughed and pulled his underwear down. I closed my eyes and i felt a slap on my cheek.
"Open your eyes."
Tears rolled down my cheeks as i opened them.
"Now suck it."
He pushed me closer. I wanted to throw up, he was disgusting, i didnt want to get any closer.
"Fine then. Lets try this."
And then he took my pants off and pushed himself in.
I shouted from pain as everything got blurry.
"No no no.." i cried as i remembered it all. I felt sick, so sick, i wanted to fall asleep and never wake up.
I liked Isac so much. Of course i did. But just the thought of feeling it inside of me again made me wanna throw up. I felt disgusting. 13 and not a virgin. I hated myself.
Suddenly i heard steps. I gasped.
"Ella.."
Oh shit. It was him. I could run.. but he would find me anyway.
"Go away. Please." I said. His face fell down but he didnt leave. Then he came a bit closer to me.
"Ella, i dont know why you left. What did i do? Please tell me, cause i really like you. I dont wanna let go."
I stared at him, as tears started falling down my cheeks. I couldnt tell him. He would hate me.
"Isac, im so sorry. I just.. a flashback.."
He probably didnt know what i was talking about. But i knew i had to tell him. Even if he would hate me.
"From what?" He asked.
"When i was like nine, my dad.. he.. raped me." I sobbed.
Isac was in silence for a while. Then his face turned angry, then sad.
"Your dad.. raped you?" He asked.
"Many times. He used to wait until my mom fell asleep, and then he came to my room and.."
I couldnt go on.
"I dont.. why did you leave?" He asked again.
"You said that you didnt wanna make me feel like you wanted to do anything with me yet. Yet. It just made me panic. I remember having it inside of me and it hurt.. isac, it didnt feel good at all..." i cried.
"I could never hurt you." He said.
"But what if.."
"I could never hurt you"
"You should just leave me. Im kinda fucked up. "
"Im not gonna let you go. Not ever."
