Memories

Revelation

At first, there was nothing.
No sound. No light. No thoughts. Nothing at all.
And then, just as sudden as the nothingness, with the very first breath she took, awareness came.

There was a soft press of something on her lips. But it passed so quickly, she couldn't even guess what it was. It might have been a kiss, but it didn't feel like another set of lips.

And then she found herself weightless, moved from one place to another by a set of strong warm hands, and felt her body bundled up with something warm and soft. But the night was so cold, that she gravitated to another source of heat on her side, and held tight.

With another breath she took, she found herself pinned by a set of warm, softly-smiling, intense onyx eyes. The orbs were far too close to her face for a normal conversation. She knew this because she also felt the heat on her face from the sudden closeness, the rough patch of wood sticking to her back, and the familiar sinewy body pressing to her front. He was too close, too warm, and she didn't mind one bit.

She exhaled and felt the soft but insistent kiss on her lips. A curious tongue slipped into her mouth and she sighed. The feeling of being laid on her back, butterfly kisses on her neck, the rustling of clothes, kisses on her bare shoulder, more kisses and nips and licks down below. The lava deep inside her threatening to burst out from the pulls and thrusts of something hard and thick, and long and hot. As hot as her skin was under his clever ministrations. Tender or rough, slow or fast, intense or playful, she loved them all. As she had loved him dearly.

Another breath, and the warmth was taken from her by the boundless abusive cruelty of loneliness. There was a consistent squeeze inside her chest, an imaginary hand holding her heart captive. The loss of his smiles, his touch, his warmth. He had promised to always be by her side. Had she misjudge his love?

The pain was so severe that at times she forgot to breathe.

A couple breaths in and the revelation came. All of her memories came crashing down in succession, one after another. In vivid detail, but with one exception, she was a goddess again and she finally understood what her naive mortal eyes had missed. The web of deceit they spun all around her, the indifference mask he wore when others were present, the implied words she heard him say but just now understood, the tears and the pain on his eyes before it was the last thing she ever seen, the darkness that followed, and the gentle touch of his hand she had avoided.

What a fool she had been; too hesitant to ask, too afraid to push. Thinking he had changed. And he had. Hadn't he? She wasn't sure what to think of any more. She saw how unprepared he was to the intrigues of the Nine Heavens. Mortals understood foul-play better than them. She had devoured enough of their plays to finally see the plots they had woven. But that did not explain what he did, or better yet, what he didn't do.

Something was amiss, an important dot to connect it all. At times she felt that he had left many things unsaid and it was their downfall. It cost them everything; her trust, her love, and even A-Li.

She began sobbing uncontrollably. It wracked her body, barely allowing a breath to be drawn. The loss of the man and the baby she had left behind took a toll on her. Another deep breath, and a long-distant memory became more distinct and clearer than the rest; Qing Qiu's Bai Qian felt a tickle on her palm, a slender finger was moving with precision, like a painter drawing a picture on a canvas, leaving a trail of fire in its wake, and reignited the flame she thought had perished along with the loss of her eyes.

"Ye Hua..." she breathed.