✝️M Y L Ø R D A N D S A V I Ø R✝️(JAHSEH ONFROY)

🕇HOLY NURSE ADVICE 🕇

I awoke with a black taint in my heart and i bright light in my face .

Argh.

Life.

Once i made that noise jahseh comes running in with a look of concern across his face .

" oh shit you aight?"

Aww he cares

I think

" yea i just had a small  breakdown and then drunk and kinda almost killed myself in front of all campers and counselors as a holy sacrifice but other than that I'm peachy"

He was speechless

" ay shorty i really want to say sorry about the whole holyweed sandal i felt bad on how you ran out and it makes me feel even worse that you did that to your self" he says

I smile

" holyweed scandal?" I say with a small laugh  making him smile too.

I try to lift my arms but nope it caused way to much pain to me .

" aye aye aye chill damn"

I didn't care that he just said a boarder line cuss word i was scared my arms didn't work anymore .

" can i not use my arms any more?"

He looked me in my eyes

" I'm sure you can use them ... after they heal"

My head hangs low as i think .

I then sighed

"okay" 

I would freak out but i really don't have the energy to do so.

I sigh again and then look at him

"Can I leave ?" I ask

"You'll have to ask the nurse first " he says

I then called the nurse she kicks Jah out and tells me before I go that we have to "talk" whatever that means .

"What's going on?" She asked

I look at her like she's dumb

Only teachers ask stupid  like that .

"What do you mean?" I say

"What gas gotten into you angel?" She says

"You were and ARE the sunshine for this camp why -why did you do it ? " She looked at me with sad eyes

I shrugged my shoulders 

"I was tired I guess  " I answered

"I wanted to be closer to God"

She looked even more sad when I said that .

"Lemme tell you something about myself " she starts

"I had a daughter " she lets out a small nervous laugh

"Her name was Ashley" she says

"You kinda look like her to be completely honest "

"She was bright and loved to help others in many many ways ,she was such a loving soul and people took her kindness for granted and treated her wrong for no reason " she was now ranting tears pooling out if her eyes

"My baby was great she didn't deserve to be treated how she was treated they TOOK MY BABY AWAY!"

she calms down a bit before speaking again

I was shook

"One day she decided she had enough and took her dead fathers gun and off'ed  her self I could never forget the way I felt when I ran after hearing the gunshot ring out "

"I held her close I felt like it was my fault for not seeing she was in pain"

"But I tried to understand trust me I wanted her to be happy"
.she then looks at me

"Look angel you have so much to live for seeing you try and change these kids into something great makes me so happy "

I look at her

She just didn't know

All I felt was anger and guilt

I wasn't even trying to kill myself

I forgot about my morals for a second

I'm a Fucking orphan

I don't know shit about love and I'll never will

No one's never cared enough to truly check up on me they just walk over me and expect me to keep pushing .

They don't care about me

They could barely even care for themselves .

I sigh and put up a front for her seeing she was looking hopeful

"Thank you mis I appreciate it "

I then lay down and turn over feeling her Pat my arm and walk out.

Jah walks back in

"You good?"

✝️☦️✝️☦️✝️☦️✝️☦️✝️☦️✝️☦️

Hey

I slept hard on thus book but I'm  Trying

I kinda got emotional writing this so imma go to sleep

Byeee 👻