Dear Catalina

V

Dear Catalina, 

        My condolences for cutting off on the last letter. I just got too emotional. Jade was the first person to harshly state the truth about you. The second the words came out of her mouth I burst out sobbing. I remember the last thing I saw before I got out of there was her staring at me with her reddened eyes, shocked that she had made me cry. 

        I raced out of there as fast as I could. I couldn't and can't handle the truth of our story, and what actually happened. I didn't take my car home. I walked. I will never let myself drive again, drunk.

        My psyciatrist told me I need to write out exactly everything that happened that night. I needed to get it out of my head, all of it. I'm going to try that right now. So here it goes.

        We had been drinking. We also were fighting. I was speeding across the Golden Gate Bridge, annoyed that you were mad at me for getting so drunk.

        "Nate, you are suppose to be my designated driver, especially since I haven't even gotten my liscence yet. You were not going to drink, remember?" Catalina didn't believe in 'driving'. She said she hated the fact that after you had a car, your parents would send you on errands, or make you take your little brother to practices. She didn't want to deal with it, so I always drove her. 

        "I'm sorry, I was at an awesome party, what did you think I was going to do?" Anger rushed into my veins.

        "You were suppose to stay sober, that's what you were suppose to do. You were suppose to drive your fucking girlfriend home, without getting pulled over by the cops. THAT'S what you were suppose to do," she yelled. 

        "I'm sorry okay! God, why do you always have to be on my case about every fucking thing I do wrong? Why don't you just live a little? I shouted back.

        "Because this type of thing could change everything. It leads to more problems, and more catastrophes. Okay?" She said. It got quiet, and I didn't say anything back. I was annoyed at her. Finally she broke the silence. "We've been fighting a lot, I have very little trust in you anymore. Yeah, that means maybe I should break up with you. But the truth is is that I love you, and I hope you know that. I don't think you love me though. At least not anymore," She said softly. This made it worse.

        I turned and glared at her. "Are you fucking kidding me?" 

        And those were the last words I said to you, Catalina. 'Are you fucking kidding me?'. Since I wasn't paying attention to the road, the car ran straight onto the sidewalk and slammed into the bridge. 

        I was conscious and I turned to you. You were lying your head on the window, your eyes closed. Blood dribbled down the side of your head, into your hair. My vision was fuzzy, and I was trying to remember what happened. In a matter of seconds I got out of the car and ran to your door. I opened it, and your body fell out. 

        "Cat!" I shouted and kneeled down next to you. "Catalina! Can you hear me! Catalina!" I began bawling. I was scared. I sat down next to you and held your head up against my chest, rocking you, and keeping you close until the police came. 

        "What am I suppose to do without you, Catalina?"