Dear Catalina

IV

Dear Catalina,

        I have been diagnosed with depression. It's been about a week since the last time I wrote a letter. My phsyciatrist wanted to read my letters. He wanted to make sure it was helping me. I didn't want him to see my personal thoughts, even if he was my phsyciatrist and he was "trying to help me". This was suppose to be my thing-between me and you.

         Well, I went crazy on him. You knew how I get when I get crazy. My palms started to sweat, and I could feel my cheeks getting red, and my anger was rising. This was suppose to be my personal thing-one thing I didn't have to tell to him. 

        My mom said she was extremely disappointed in me after. She didn't understand what was happening. I had to tell her the truth-I was depressed. And so I went to the hospital, they gave me these pills that are suppose to help me. I don't know if they will work, I've only been on them for two days, and I haven't seen a difference. 

        My mom also thinks I need to get out of the house and hang out with friends. So recently, I did go to a party. Remember Jade? Well it was her party. It sucked. She was really drunk, and kept touching my hair, and giggling at everything I said. Finally, she tried to kiss me, and I backed away. She looked at me horrified.

        "Nate, I like you, let me kiss you," she slurred grabbing my hands.

        I fumbled to get up from the couch. "This is not the right time-you-you should know that by now."

        Jade glared at me. "You're still hung up on Cat, huh? Why is everyone so fucking hung up on her? What was the BIG fucking deal? What's so great about that bitch? She overthought everything, and always disagreed with what you said. Why do you like her? She's gone Nate, she left. You can't change it. You just can't so GET OVER IT," she scowled at me. 

        "It's more than that Jade, you don't fucking get it," she had now got me worked up and I began the nervous sweating again. 

        "NATE. She's not coming back. She's dead!"