Living With The Monroe Boys

Chapter 29.

I did as was told and raised it all the way,I had to remind myself that this was so I didn't have to go to a therapist.I looked up and saw everyones face,concern and sadness,I struggled to keep looking up.Tommy snuggled more into me,that put me at ease a bit.

“Well Ciara maybe you don't need to see one.”Tanya remarked leaning against the wall,there was a double meaning somewhere in that comment

“See,I'm fine,Like you said i'm a Brown and we don't hold our heads down.”Yes!I did it.

“I don't think so”Javaughn commented,I just looked at him with daggers,he was gonna ruin it!

“We know”Kelly replied,

“What!”I shouted making Tommy jump a bit,

“Ciara you may not be aware but first of all you been shaking the whole time you been sitting in that chair,second you haven't stopped looking down or fidgeting.”Jason explained,I hadn't notice but he was right.Tommy was shaking as he sat in my lap,I tried to stop but I couldn't,and that heart beat.

“I said I'm fine!”I put Tommy down and stormed out,I was walking out when I felt someone grab my wrist.My heart felt like it stopped,almost instinctly I turned around and threw a punch at whoever was holding me.My eyes was shut and I felt the tears as another set of hands grabbed my shoulders,I started kicking and throwing punches but they were holdign ot tight for me to land one on them.

All I felt was hands grabbing me,his hands,those blue eyes.No one is coming Ciara,that voice,that crocked smile.I was balling now and still throwing my punches,my eyes was closed and I could see everything replaying again.

“Please Don't!”I sobbed,I stopped moving after that.I was still crying almost choking on my own words,I just couldn't take it,why can't they let me go!

“What's wrong Ciara?”He asked,I was still pinned down and couldn't move nor kick my legs,that little bastard had them.

“Get off!”I screamed,he just seemed to like my pain.One of his hands slipped there way going down my stomach down to his objective,I squirmed under his touch.

“Come on Ciara,you mean to tell me you lived with seven boys and havent gave it up yet?”I felt something go inside of me,The tears were coming harder down. “So you're still are a virgin?Well this will be fun.”

“Ciara!Its me Teyvon!”It was a gentle yell,I was crying so hard the tears was clouding my vision.I looked up and there was those dark brown eyes,so familiar,so worried.

“Tey..Von?”The words barely came out but they did,I looked more closely and it was him.I looked back and looked around,everyone was keeping a distance,trying not to startle me.I saw that Tyler was holding his jaw,did I do that?

“Ciara its okay,its just us here.”His voice was soothing,he patted my head and I just hugged him.

“I'm sorry..”I said into his shirt,

“Its okay,we shouldn't of startled you”He was apologizing even though I was the one who freaked out,I didn't understand,I did this.If I would of stayed away for Justin,none of this would've happened.

“I'm sorry,this is my fault,I should've listened.”I was blaming myself for what happened I felt guilty,they were suppose to help me but I've been nothing but trouble.

“Ciara don't blame your self,this wasn't your fault.”I heard connie say trying to convince me I had nothing to do with this,

“It is though,the boys told me to stay away from him!They told me not to go near him!”I shouted still hugged into Teyvon shirt,he smelled nice,not suffocating by cologne.

No one said anything,there was just silence.All you could hear was my cries,which became larger every second.

“Ciara.”A muffled voice said,I turned around and looked.It was Tyler,he was still holding his jaw. “Ciara what happened that night wasn't your fault,it was Pierce they took it to far.”

“But..”

“Ciara he’s right you did nothing wrong,you had a crush on Justin,the problem wasn't that it was with us.”Deshawn added

“He was the one who did this not you”Kyle jumped in,

“You can't blame yourself.”Javaughn intervened while giving Tyler a ice pack,

“Ciara please don't blame yourself,we all need you to get better.”Michael said his eyes full of tears,

“Ciara you're a strong person,It will take some time but you will come to understand the events that happened that night wasn't your fault.”Xavier commented,he had come up behind Teyvon and took me from him.

It was warming to hear them say that but something in me wasn't convinced,something was point the finger at me,I was the reason.I looked at everyone,some had bags under their eyes,others looked tired.Tyler for pete sakes was icing his face case of my freak out,I could see i scratched the hell out out of his arm.

I was still not comfortable with them holding me either,I was screaming on the inside for them to release me.I only stayed there because I felt if they let go I would spazz out again,I didn't want to hurt anyone else.

“Can someone take me back up to my room,I feel if those images pop back up...I don't know what I'll do.”I asked while holding my head down,Xavier released me and Connie escorted me back upstairs.I been thinking about this since I was in the hospital,I wanted to get better,I wanted not to feel this way.The most important thing was to me though,I didn't want to hurt anyone,I didn't want to scare Michael and Tommy with my tantrums.

“Do you want anything?”She asked as I climbed back into my bed,I motioned for her to come and sit with me. “What is it?”

“Connie,You're the only one I can say this to but...”I trailed off,I didn't know how to ask this.

“What?You can tell me.”

“Connie I don't want to live here anymore,I don't want to live with the Monroes anymore.”