Free Me From the Wolves

[9] Team Ryder

"Cute," he repeated and then kissed my cheek.

"And knew about cars and motorcycles..."

"I do recall buying you a car," he said before kissing my neck. I took a deep breath to keep myself composed.

"And he was sarcastic and loyal and impulsive and protective..." I listed in a rush while Ryder had moved the hair from my shoulder in order to graze along my collarbone. Suddenly, he had put a hand on my waist to push me over and then he was on top of me. My heart was beating ridiculously fast. The fact that our body temperatures were over a hundred degrees wasn't the only thing heating up.

"Don't forget how hot he was," Ryder said and I felt his breath on mine.

"Yeah," I said at first, wondering if he had read my mind. I found it ironic, given the book I just read. "He was definitely...warm."

"Warm," he repeated in a chuckle before I felt his grip on my side tighten and I felt a familiar discomfort that I had grown to welcome. But then he pulled away from me completely and while I was still laying flat, I finally let go of the breath I didn't know I was holding. "And I guess the fact that he was attractive helped too." He looked down at me the same time I lifted my neck to view him. We shared an understood smirk before I rose up into a sitting position.

"I still liked Jacob before I liked you," I said, poking his arm. He watched me in amusement.

"I bet you like him more even now," he challenged with the added thought of: Even though you're clearly not under any biased influence.

I put my forearm on his shoulder and ran my fingers on the seam of his dress shirt.

"Maybe we were meant to be," I figured, studying the collar of his shirt. I noticed beads of sweat on his neck and noted the smell of metal and grass. "I mean, even though I didn't believe in all of this, the first time I read the series, I just about fell in love with Jacob Black's character."

"And why's that?"

"Because of who he was," I shrugged. "He loved Bella from the beginning but gave her a true reason to love him back instead of insisting on some unexplainable connection like with Edward. He let her do what she wanted but knew when to pull in the reigns. He...he grew as a character with and without her, and still swore to fight for her. Even though my friends called him a jerk for always getting in the way or doing something that caused him to constantly apologize, I don't know, I guess I just felt like even though he did stuff for Bella, he was willing to ruin other stuff to get what he wanted...which was her. When I read the books the first time, he's was the kind of guy I wanted."

Now, Ryder's hand had made it to my cheek and he stroked it with his thumb.

"It's such a shame," he said in a mutter. "That Jacob and I have absolutely nothing in common."

I hated to admit that it took Ryder to say that before I knew what he meant. When I was younger and read the Twilight saga, I truly did root for Jacob for all of those reasons I said. I thought Edward was too...flawless and nice and presumed. But Jacob was all of the qualities I had described. And so was Ryder. Even though the book and movie franchise was a joke to most people, maybe there was a reason why I clung to its defense. Because understanding a fictional werewolf allowed me now to understand a very real one who I loved.

Ryder had pressed his lips to mine and in the moment I had forgotten about being mad at him yesterday. When my back hit the cushions of the couch once more, I had an epiphany. I forgot about the times I continued to kiss him because my hormones were being selfish. I forgot about the times when he kissed me to shut me up or because he heard something I said and wanted to find solace within me. I only remembered the times when we had kissed in a moment of a passionate relationship: when he had confessed to being a werewolf and my mate—even when we were wolves for the first time and couldn't resist each other. All of it was remembered and recreated as a whole because I realized that all along, Ryder was mine ever since Stephenie Meyer had published the idea of him in a book series that got ridiculed for years. But even though I was feeling Ryder get excited for once at us making out since the drama began happening around us, I pulled away with a smile.

"This would've been more interesting if I chose Team Edward," I laughed and he breathed a chuckle while his head briefly dropped down to my shoulder.

"No it wouldn't," he said. "You wouldn't have been happy being with someone so...perfect and regimented and nice and—"

"Why? Because I like someone who keeps me on my toes?" I teased and then kissed his nose. He rolled off of me with a frown, even though I was unsure as to why. He sighed from the floor adjacent to the couch and just laid there flat on his back.

"No, because if you were with someone like that..." he began in a sad voice while looking up at the ceiling, "you'd be with Trevor."

"That's where I think Bella was wrong," I started to preach even though Ryder had surrendered himself to his constantly evolving self pity in comparison to Trevor. "She was better off with Jacob. She had more than romance with him—she had a friendship. Not to mention, her family liked him and she could have a life with him. Not an immortal one. Like a real life with marriage and kids and not having to make so many sacrifices."

"So what if...Edward...was able to give her all of that; a friendly marriage with kids and growing old and all that even though he was a vampire with all that perfect niceness? Would you choose him then?" Ryder proposed as he rolled into a sitting position.

"No. No I wouldn't," I said, not only because it was true, but also because I knew he was talking about himself deep down; my family didn't like him, we risked a lot, and he claimed he didn't want to deal with normal life with me even if he just meant a stupid school relationship thing. I just wanted him to know that it didn't matter. I loved him, so Andrew and Cassandra were starting to as well. And even in the ups and downs, we could have a life outside all this, even if it meant risking what we had to. I knew that he wanted it because he had barged into the house asking for a key to unlock it all.

I tried to read his expression but failed and began to get up in order to I don't know, put distance between us so he didn't have to suffer with his thoughts about me seeing him unconfident. So I went to the kitchen to get popcorn. But this was still Ryder. He wasn't perfect or selfless or nice. Even when I had subconsciously answered his philosophically growing question, he still managed to reply: "Good...Because Trevor could still offer you that. And it would suck if you rooted for him this whole time."

"Why would I care what Trevor could offer?" I asked with a wince. I looked over and saw him stand up and look over to me.

"Because Trevor's a vampire."