Free Me From the Wolves

[7] Sorry Not Sorry

"Hey, you need to—"

"Shh," he silenced me. He met me again and grabbed my face. "Do you love me?"

"Yes," I said simply since I doubted he was coherent enough for an exaggerated statement that still didn't cover my feelings for him.

"Is that why you're here?"

"I'm here because you told your brother you didn't know where I was and wanted to talk to me," I answered. "But that might not be a good idea."

"Like Trevor Versailles?" he asked me. What? "He wasn't a good idea. Not for the town. Or the pack. Or my girlfriends."

"Girlfriends?"

"Not for you," he finally added. He searched my eyes with his vacant ones and I wanted to know what anything had to do with Trevor, but then he winced into a look of disgust.

"What does this have to do with Trevor?"

Then, Ryder's wince turned into a full frown.

"Why the hell do you smell like Preston?" he suddenly asked, stepping away from me. I rolled my eyes. Great. Past all the alcohol smell rolling off of him, he could still manage to smell Preston's scent on me.

"We're talking about Trevor right now," I reminded, hoping it was enough to detour him from any anger from sniffing Preston. But at one tick of his tightened jaw, I knew that wasn't the case. "Ryder—"

"Just perfect!" he yelled, now two yards away from me. "I'm at a party with shady ass Trevor ragging on me and my past while a squad of girls tried to get at me and prove him right, but you're shacking up with Preston behind my back? Of all people! That's pathetic, Ash! Real pathetic."

The alcohol prevented him from believing I wouldn't cheat on him and it made me question if it had the same effect on his own inhibitions. Especially when he mentioned a squad of girls. But he was drunk. No matter what he did, it wouldn't mean anything for either of us to argue about it because he wouldn't be able to put up a discussion and he wouldn't remember it in the morning. I think I was madder at what he said than the fact that he was so trashed.

We were mates. He was supposed to know better than that, but at the same time, I did know better than him. I wasn't like Stella or his other girlfriends he so openly mentioned. He wasn't just going to accuse me in drunken rage and try to slur together whatever makes sense to his incapable mind. And I surely wasn't in the mood for it. That's why I rolled my eyes and quickly left the room as he continued to insult me. Zander, who lay on his bed with the door opened, noticed my departure and hopped up after me.

"What happened?"

"Nothing," I lied. "I'm just going home."

"What'd he say?" Zander asked and by now, I had made it to the door. I spun around to face him and he was closer to me than I thought. But he took a step away when he realized it too. All it did was remind me of the first time Ryder approached me on my porch. It felt distant now. "I'm sorry for whatever he did, but he still needs you—"

"I'm not his mother; he can take care of himself," I preached in a stern voice while opening the door but had to remind myself that I wasn't mad at Zander. I sighed and then my eyes dropped. "Just tell him to call me when the alcohol stops turning him into an asshole."

I stepped through the threshold with the intent to leave, but I still heard Zander mumble: "He's an asshole even without the alcohol...just not to you."

***

Remember that assumption that the pack would be huddled together? It proved true in the event that Ryder needed them. Though I hadn't answered my phone and still had our telepathy blocked, Ryder had seemingly ordered the pack to rush me once I was at school to ask for forgiveness. Even Colin had approached me.

"If he's so sorry, maybe he'd find it within himself to give me a real apology instead of staying at home with a hangover," I told Colin before he had said anything. I walked away from him and the panicking boys who were exchanging conversation along the lines of "Ryder's not going to like this" but once I heard one of them ask why I was even mad at Ryder, I knew that he was just using them for pawns.

When I entered the school, the first person I saw was Stella with her arms crossed. Great.

"You know he's sorry right?" she told me while I continued to pass her, hoping to ditch her once she passed her first period class even though it was twenty minutes until school started.

"Stella," I began, so irate that I was calm. "Four days ago you were pissed at him for something he couldn't control, so let me be irritated at him for something he did have control over."

"Is this about the party?" she wondered as we passed her first period and then I knew I wouldn't be able to shake her. "Because no matter how good of a guy he became for you, he's still going to party. Especially now that he's back on the football team."

I wanted to question how or why he was back on the football team when he had banned its participation, but I had to keep up with my character. I kept my chin raised and walked through the halls to visit my gym locker.

"Come on, Ashlynn," Stella pleaded. "You know he feels bad when he called me of all people to try and get you to talk to him."

"I never said I wouldn't talk to him."

"You know what I mean," she huffed. I stopped walking before opening the door to the locker room. "Is this about the party?" she asked again. "Because my friends went and nothing happened. He was actually rude to them rather than the man-whore he usually is."

"'Usually is,'" I repeated, but decided not to dwell on. But she didn't hear me. I looked up at her. Despite my efforts, my anger for Ryder was about to be taken out on her. "You've been in love with Ryder before so I'm sure you're able to imagine being with him right? Okay. So imagine this. Ryder's estranged brother calls you at night because Ryder is too wasted to take care of himself at a party—even more shocking considering a werewolf's tolerability. Not only do you go out of your way to get him to just go to sleep, but he yells at you for some unknown reason and accuses you of not only hooking up with Preston, but also mentions the squad of girls around him all night." I hissed at her to where only she could hear, but the look between us was louder than any words I could've said. But I softened my expression. "And then he gets everyone in his power to ask for my forgiveness but himself. So you tell me, Stella...Do I really know he's sorry?"

Yes, I knew I was overreacting, but what else could I do? No I didn't like the idea of or participate in cheating and I hoped he didn't either, but it could be a factor. But beside that, he was just irresponsible at the party. And even more reckless to me. I understood that we were teenagers and should have fun, but come on; he needed to be grown up about at least something. And considering I was his biggest motivation, maybe me ignoring his weak attempts would give him the kick in the ass he needed.

But it took a toll on my own self when my wolf began whining just at the decision to what I was going to do. Being without him was physically draining, but I'd dealt with worse.

"Rough day in paradise?" Trevor asked when we got out of English. I glared over at him. He was part of the problem somehow, someway. But I didn't have to deal with him any more than I had to deal with Ryder.