uptown girl

1// the beginning

Ryan

  I was 11.

  When he became prominent in my life.

  I knew the twerp since kindergarten. He walked in with his head held high. But nobody sat next to him because of his bizarre bright hazel eyes.

  But I liked them.

  I didn't know why I liked that snobby little dork.

  But I did.

  His hazel eyes didn't scare me. Neither did his noticeably long eyelashes. Or the way he'd snort between every three giggles. Even as a 6 year old, I loved his little quirks.

  And when he came back into my life after my tragic accident, I fell deeper and deeper in love with his dumb ass.

  I remember it like it was yesterday. How could I forget.

  Head laid down on the lunch table, buried in my arms. I didn't want to talk to anyone. Not that anyone really talked to me anyways. I never saw myself as a scary kid. Maybe I was a little bit of a dick. But I got to experience the world in a way no kid should ever experience.

  My finger still felt itchy. My feet still hurt. I'm still catching my breath. And it feels like time never resumed.

  Everything ached in my small body and I felt like I'd never catch a break.

  "Hey.. I heard about what happened.."

  A soft gentle voice... one that didn't feel against me like I'd been hearing all day.

  I doubted he really knew what happened. But he was doing his best to be nice to me. So I didn't bite back. Sighing, I lifted my head reluctantly. Oh man..

  I didn't really understand it. The feeling I got whenever I looked at his little soft face.

  "Are you okay?"

  He sat down across from me. Clearly adamant about getting a response.

  "I'm fine…" I wasn't. I really wasn't. There was no possible way you could be okay after you'd seen what I had seen. I knew from that point on I'd never be okay again. It would always haunt my mind. The sound would forever resonate in my ears and there was nothing I could do about it.

  He was silent for a few seconds. Studying me. I saw him taking note of my overbite, his eyebrows raised as his eyes got to my lips. Then they directed back to my eyes. Blindingly teal. Odd, right? He just smiled. And held out his fragile little hand across the table.

  "My name's Jake. It's very nice to meet you."

  I stared blankly at his hand. Do I take it? What do I say if I do? What do I say if I don't? Mm…

  "Ryan. It's nice to finally make your… acquaintance." A fancy word I'd learned from my older sister Jennifer.

  Jake's face shifted into one of confusion. "Hm? Finally?" Jeez was I that invisible..

  "I've been in all your classes since kindergarten.." I suppose it wasn't wrong he didn't know who I was. I never spoke to anyone. I never made a ruckus. I never tried to answer any of the teachers questions. I was in the background the whole time. Trying my hardest not to be seen. And when I was, I pushed people away.

  Jake hesitated as though he couldn't think of what to say.

  I smiled. "Its alright. I know. Hard to defend yourself from that. But don't feel bad for it."