before evangeline
Prior to the divorce and the sudden debacle, Thomas and I were once in a comical loving, hilarious form of love. We were infatuated with one another. Every morning, we'd wake up with our legs intertwined, his head above my hair, and my head on his chest. It was pure bliss.
I was working for a man called Franc Debua, he was a Frenchman who owned a restaurant. Whilst also attending my last year of teaching school for the church. Thomas stopped by once and I remember Franc losing his shit. He thought Tomas was there to collect some sort of money order or trash the place.
I've never been to Small Heath, so I didn't know too much about the Shelby's. But I lived outside of the town, still in Birmingham.
I treated Thomas like an average customer, taking his order and smiling. I didn't know he was such a high ranked gangster, let alone someone I would fall madly for.
He was smart and charming. Very handsome. And he had this determination that really drew me in.
"Will you let me take you out?" He asked sitting there with his whiskey. He ordered a sandwich as well, which he did not touch.
His hands were on his knees as those baby blues searched my eyes. He leans back in the chair, drinking me up.
I flushed, unable to resist the way he looked at me. But alas, "Sorry, Mr. Shelby." I tell him quietly, knowing Franc is watching from afar. "Won't you eat?" I chirp, darting my eyes at the food.
He shakes his head, inhaling, "I'm afraid not," He says, getting something from his coat pocket. He opens up a little metal box, revealing cigarettes. He grabs a match and lights one up. His eyes move to mine as he offers me one.
I put my hand up, "No thanks."
He raises an eyebrow. Unamused.
"Of course you don't smoke," He huffs before shaking his head. Once the cigarette is in between his teeth, he takes a long pull. I can see his shoulders relaxing. He points at me with the bud of the cigarette. "Ah, I'm going to have a hard time with yous." He drags on.
I can't help but feel my lips tilt upwards. "Excuse me?"
"You see, I'll be here tomorrow," He clears his throat, "And the next, and the next," He rolls his tongue, "And the day after that. Until you say yes to letting me take you out."
I laugh, "And what if I deny you everyday?"
He hums, tilting his head as I ask him the question. "I guess I'll have to give up then, won't I?"
I sway back and forth, swooning. "I'll be seeing you tomorrow then?"
He nods, as if it's no big deal. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out the money he owes the restaurant.
Our first outing was to his town of Small Heath. He said he wanted to impress me, so naturally, I assumed he'd take me somewhere fancy. I wore a dress and did my hair all nice, only to end up a horse ranch. His horse ranch.
I was floored in the best way. Seeing this man who was known for being a bad gangster take such great care of these horses who seemed to love him back.
I gave it up that night, we actually had sex on top of a block of hay. It was romantic, despite the fact that as he took off his belongings, he also had to put his gun away.
It was my first time, and definitely not his. I felt so much pain, I couldn't even walk without my thighs aching. Thomas hadn't known until there was a light spotting of blood. His hair fanned over his face as he eased out of me.
"You alright?" He looked so scared, and I felt my heart beat thumping against my chest at a rapid pace.
"Y-yea." I stutter, wrapping my legs around him. Nodding I tried again, dragging my lips over his. "Keep going..." I sighed into his mouth.
Thomas shared to me that evening, as quiet filled filled is that he's never felt so at peace.
I turned and looked up at him as he stared at the stars that peak through the barn ceiling. I study him, and the calmness of his voice.
"What do you mean?" I run my finger over the bandage of his chest, blood stains it and I wonder he if got shot there.
"All I hear, everyday, is noise. It's a constant buzz, from the moment I awake, to the time I go to sleep." He swallows, "But as I lay with you, I hear nothing." His eyeslashes flutter shut. "And it feels amazing. Just peace, and quiet."
I look at him, knowing there are dark thoughts that linger around him. Knowing there are tainted things about this man, but as he shuts his eyes and allows the silence to take a toll on him, I move to lay beside him and shut my eyes too.
I ignored my initial thoughts about Thomas. I ignored them because I didn't know him. And I was already fixed on loving him.
You see, I jumped into things with him far too early. And far too quickly. I became infatuated before I really ever even got to know him.
And in the end, we lost more than we gained.
