Smoke and Soot

Smoke

Smoke
Christmas of 2016

Don't fuck this up, Donny!  

I chant in my head. I chant it over and over again like a record with unfixable scratches all over it. 

As I walk into the living room, where all the cool people seemed to be, I keep a firm grasp on my red cup - because all the cool people seemed to be drinking out of it as well.

In all honesty, I knew I was the perfect sob story - a probinsyano at a college Christmas party.

I take a glimpse at my watch. 11:50 PM.

Great. Ten minutes before midnight and a few hours in, yet I still haven't spoken a word to anyone here.  I move further away, into what seems to be the kitchen, suddenly feeling nervous thinking about dealing with other people. My sights set on the spread of confectioneries beside me, so I chose to munch on a gingerbread man as I mulled over my life choices.

I know you're wondering - how the hell was I even invited? 

Explaining this without a background story would be difficult, so let me tell you a condensed version of how my perfect parents made my life inconvenient for me.

My mom and my dad were the perfect couple.

The esteemed high school sweethearts, voted prom king and queen in a private university in Manila. They had it all when suddenly, I made my first appearance as a baby bump... My existence became a turning point for them and made them realize that maybe, province life would be the best way to go in raising a baby boy.

So, yes. I was bred by a city couple, but grew up in the province. And somehow by some sort of divine intervention, my family decided that this EXACT YEAR, in this EXACT SEASON, we'd be moving back in Manila. 

Alas, here I am - at a college Christmas party, organized by my mom's best friend's daughter... Whom I haven't even met yet. 

I tried my best to rack my brain and remember how my mom's best friend looks like as I drink out of my red cup - filled with fruit punch, hopefully unspiked. I was lot in thought and was only snapped out of my reverie once I started smelling smoke.

Panicked, I start looking for the source of the smoke - the oven. A girl comes out of the smoke, coughing as she throws the tray of something onto the marbled kitchentop... It was so burnt, I wasn't sure what it was supposed to be. 

"Puta naman, oh!" She says. The words were harsh, but her soft voice made it cute to listen to. Don't ask - I don't know how that's possible as well.

The side of my lip curls up into a smile as I see her heaving a sigh and rolling her eyes. Definitely cute. "Pa-bake bake pa ako  ng cupcakes, hindi naman ako marunong. Pustahan, bogus yung instructions na nakita ko sa internet..." I hear her murmur under her breath.

Realizing that this is her - my mom's best friend's daughter, the very hostess I wasn't able to meet beforehand, I step up and decided to finally engage in conversation. My mouth's close to getting dried up, so might as well.

"Kailangan mo nang tulong?" I offer as I come closer and wave off some of the smoke left from the baking carnage.

She gives me a look and says a "yes, please" in a tired tone.  I force a smile at a simple attempt to cheer her up and we quietly move against each other as we clean the burnt remains of the cupcakes. The party kept going outside, the sounds of people talking excitedly and the beat of modernized Christmas songs filled the air.

"Forgive me if mali ako nang in-assume. Pero di'ba ikaw yung anak ni Tita Mylene? Si... Char... Charlene?" I ask, breaking the silence as we were about to finish up.

For the first time, her face shows something other than an exhausted frown - a smile. "Sharlene kasi 'yun," she starts. "Pero you're right. Ako nga." 

After patting the dirt off of her hands on the apron she wore, she took a good look at me - straight up and down. "And forgive me rin if mali ako nang in-assume. Ikaw 'yung poging anak ni Tita Maricel?" 

I kept quiet for a few seconds as my mind experienced haywire. Did a cute girl really just refer to me as pogi? Shamelessly and without hesitation? "Po--pogi talaga?" I ask, my voice shaky from nervousness. 

Her smile widens a little and she laughs lightly.

"Oo, tama naman pala ang sinabi ni Mama. Pogi ka nga talaga."

Unbothered, she opened the kitchen windows to let some of the steam out and turns her attention back to the blackened tray she was washing.

I listen as the people in the living room count down the last 10 seconds to Christmas - yet instead of kissing somebody under a mistletoe, like I expected, I was dumbfounded and staring at the cute girl who almost burnt down her entire kitchen, as she waved around and shooed the rest of the smoke left in the room away.

My hand unconsciously made its way onto my chest, feeling my unusually fast heartbeat.

It's a merry Christmas after all, I guess.