minnow // sirius black

thirty-one

It was extremely early in the morning, the sun just breaking over the horizon. Esme had started crying, and I had taken her to the living room to let Sirius sleep more. Lily had already been awake, reading at the kitchen table. I'd been wearing last night's outfit, a pair of sweatpants that my mother had put a pocket at the ankle, and an oversized t-shirt.

I wasn't even wearing shoes.

I broke open the bedroom door, not even stopping to try to turn the handle and stopped in my tracks, all of the blood in my head rushing to my feet, along with my heart.

I felt my wand leave my hand as I took hesitant steps towards my parent's bed. Mum was sitting up, with a book in her lap, as if she'd been up before Dad and decided to read. Her head was lolled to the side, her eyes wide open and terrified.

Dad was laying across her lap, as if he'd tried to grab the murderer before she jumped out of the window. His eyes were wide open as well, tears streaming down his face - his wand loosely held in his hand.

I heard myself whispering, 'No,' as I walked forward.

I heard multiple cracks outside as I crawled onto the bed, shaking my father's shoulder, crying out for him to wake up. I shook at my mother's leg, begging her not to go.

It was too late, I was too late. My vision had showed me their deaths seconds before it happened, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

I felt it crawling at my throat, the pain and anger. The uncontrollable agony that rushed through me stirred up a scream of anguish. I didn't even try to hold it back.

James and Sirius said that they had been running through the front yard as I screamed. They said they stopped in their tracks. Sirius said that James had fallen to his knees as if he felt the same pain that I did, or maybe just knew. Sirius said that my scream was so haunting, so broken, that he feared he'd never forget it.

James had managed to get off of his knees, trudging through the wreckage that was our life as he walked into our parent's bedroom to pull me away from their bodies. He said that he couldn't look at them, that he closed his eyes as he begged me to let them go, to come home to my daughter.

But how could I leave them there, like that?

"Jemina, the Death Eater likely didn't go far, they had to have heard you scream, please. We need to go before they find you."

I felt another pair of hands on me, and Sirius forced me off of them. He forced my hand to release my mother's collar, he pried my other hand out of my father's as he pulled me off of their bed and into his arms. I screwed my eyes shut, allowing the pain to wash over me as I sobbed against him.

He apparated us home, James apparating at the same time too, lifting me into his arms as he carried me into my home. He passed Lily, who was sitting in the living room, her elbows on her knees, her eyes locked on the door. He passed her and didn't even look at her as he went into his own room. I heard Lily asking Sirius, who I heard explain what he saw, and heard. James pushed the door to his and Lily's room open, crossing the room and sitting me on his side of the bed.

He shut the door, and crawled in next to me, holding me tightly to his chest as we both allowed ourselves to let the emotions go.

We sat like that, James and I, sobbing for hours.

Our parents were dead.

I couldn't look at Esme for days, nothing but pain in my heart when I saw her beautiful face.

Nothing made me sadder than thinking about leaving her, being murdered as my mother had been, so even when I had to hold her against me to feed her, I didn't look at her. I looked at the ceiling.