Am I Happy ???

Chapter 1

Ashley's pov
There was something different about this morning. I woke up with the  sound of my alarm. It was 10 am. I got up late today cause last night was very tiring.  I slowly and gently removed the hand of my beloved husband sleeping next to me. I checked myself in front of the mirror. I looked quite different today. There was an unusual glow on my face. I walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower. I changed myself into a tank top and jeans. I walked towards the kitchen counter and found a box of cereals . As I poured some milk and cereals into the bowl I  started remembering the events of last night.  I could not help but grin like an  idiot.  I was blushing so hard that  my cheeks started  hurting. I wanted to eat with my husband but I didn't want to disturb his sleep. Last night was magical. We got married yesterday. It was the happiest day of my life. After half and hour I decided to wake him up. I slowly opened the bedroom door and as I walked towards the bed I couldn't help but notice his beautiful face. I could see his cherry lips that perfectly  parted his sugar breath. His sharp jawline and  precious deep dimples were so damn attractive. As I gently carassed  his curly hair I started remembering the struggles that we faced in our relationship,  the beautiful moments that we shared and how I met him.

Flashback:

Ashley's pov
It was quite dark this  evening . I was sitting on the sofa in my living room  while constantly flipping through tv channels cluelessly.  Having a blank expression on my face I  was lost in my own thoughts. My thoughts got interrupted when i heard the doorbell ring. As soon as  I opened the door I saw Amelia standing in front of me with a smile on her face. She instantly hugged me.
Amelia has been my friend since kindergarten. She's my best friend and I  can firmly bet on the fact that no one can ever replace her. She has always been there for me during good and bad times. When my father died in a car accident she was the only one after my mother to console me.  She was always  there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I was really very lucky to have her.

" I am so happy for you, Ash." She said excitedly.

"Thanks" I said smiling."

"Wow the ring is beautiful. Is it solitaire? " she said lifting my hand and gazing at the sparkly diamond  ring placed  on my finger with amusement.

"Ya it is" I said.

" Damn that shit is expensive"

" Ya I even told him that he didn't have too buy me such an expensive ring but he insisted"

"I can't believe you are engaged."
"Ya, me neither."

"So have u decided the wedding date yet?" She said waiting for me respond instantly.

" Amelia I...."

"You haven't, have you? Ash you need to plan everything beforehand." She said cutting me.

"Can I speak now?" I said with an annoyed face.

" I don't want to get married to Andrew." I said firmly.

"What ? why?" she said with a shocked expression.

" I don't think this is a good idea."

"You love him right." she said with a confused expression.

" I don't know. My heart is telling me that marrying him is not a good idea. I have doubts about this."

"Okay then why did you say yes to him when he proposed to you."

" I didn't want to hurt him." I said honestly.

" I don't understand. You did confess to him that you love him right."she said with a worried expression.

" Maybe I don't" I said.

" Maybe you are confused right now because you are scared of commitment. I think you should think this through. You look a little lost. After so many years of being in a relationship with him you are suddenly confused about your feelings. This doesn't make sense to me at all and let me tell you by saying yes to him before and then breaking of the engagement with him will hurt him more."

" I guess you are right. I just need a little time to think about it."

"Well don't be too long in making the decision because otherwise  Andrew will be blindsided for a long time. "

"Ya I know I don't know if I love him or not but I do care about him. I can't lie to him about this anymore. I think  i need to be alone for a while. I have to clear my head." I said.

"Are you sure. I am a  little worried for you."

" I will be fine. Don't worry"

" Okay I am leaving right now but if you need anything text me."

"Okay"

Amelia gave me a hug and left.
As soon as she left a tear escaped from my eye. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I always end up hurting people? I am such a bad person for doing this to Andrew. He's a great man and he deserves so much better than me. He loves me so much. Why don't I feel the same way about him? Why?

I went to my room and dug my face into the soft  pillow. I cried for many hours.  From that day I realized how painful and difficult is the feeling of hurting someone.