Cuddle Application

25 - Under the Covers

I huff, exhaling loudly.

James glances over, wrapping his fingers around mine and squeezing. I squeeze back.

He knew how uncomfortable I'd been lately, but he didn't know how alone. His hand felt like a lifeline. My brain screamed "run," but he reminded me to stay.

Stay for Molly.

Stay for mom when she was gone.

"Did you reapply to Michigan?" I ask, tossing down the magazine I'd been riffing through with my free hand. James had withdrawn his acceptance to stay with the family for another year. No one knew when the end would come, and he swore he wouldn't be all the way in Michigan when it did. But my parents were urging him to reapply for the following year. With his grades, he could probably still qualify for the scholarships he'd had before.

"No," he says after a while. "I mean I want to." He clears his throat. "Part of me wants to leave right now and bury my head in a distraction, but another part of me says Fuck Michigan."

I laugh, which surprises us both. I hadn't laughed in a while.

He cracks a smile. "You know? College is so important, but it feels like—" he drifts off.

"Nothing compared to this," I finish. His lips press into a firm line and he nods. A mother steps in front of us, dragging an unwilling child behind her. I move my legs to accomodate. "You know you can do anything you want to, right?"

He shrugs.

"Mr. Thirty-Four ACT," I prod. "You have endless opportunities, and I know how excited you were to pursue engineering at University of Michigan." He looks down at our hands. "Don't let this stop you. Don't let this bury your dreams."

James smiles, but it's sad. The upward slant of his lips contradicts the tears gathering in his eyes.

"I could say the same to you," he says suddenly, knocking my shoulder playfully. "I haven't seen you applying anywhere yet."

I roll my eyes. "Okay, mom. I'm only a junior — I have time."

He tisks. "We often think we have more time than we do."

Biting my lip, I say, "You know what I mean."

In truth, I just don't want to think about it. I used to love the idea of leaving, moving several states away and making everyone miss me. Now I didn't want to go. I wanted everything normal, the same.

"Oliver wants to be a firefighter."

I almost choke at this. I glance sideways at James. "A what?"

He laughs. "I had a similar reaction, but I actually think he'd be good at it."

"You don't have to go to college for that, right?" I ask.

James tilts his head, rubbing a hand against the stubble on his chin. "No, I don't think so."

I picture Oliver as a firefighter, dressed in a red and black uniform, sliding down poles, running into burning buildings.

"Not the safest career choice," James continues, "but an admirable one. He's never wanted to go to college anyway."

I stare at my hands, twisting them into nervous shapes.

"Do you know if he wants to do it around here?" I mean for it to sound nonchalant and unattached, but I can see by his expression I'm a horrible actress.

"Yeah, Sky," he says with a knowing smirk. "He's staying."

My heart soars.

Yours won't be the only, a voice in my head whispers. As if I could forget Oliver's growing admirers.