In Too Deep

~ 34 ~

The doorbell chime stirs me from slumber. I crane my neck to look at the time and see it's just after 6 am. As much as I want to remain in the warmth of this bed, I shift enough to keep Celia covered and sit up. A sharp searing pain hits my back and side and I suck in a breath to keep from crying out. I stand and stretch as I walk to the wardrobe, grab a pair of trousers, pull them on, and slip out of the bedroom. I unlock the door to face the general, who struggles to keep his face neutral when I appear shirtless in the doorway, despite the un-summer-like chill to the air. I step aside so he can enter, turning round and heading for the sofa. I feel his eyes upon my back and hear his sharp intake of breath when he sees my scar.

"I apologise for coming early. I can tell that I woke you," he says as he sits in the newly acquired rocker, holding a garment bag.

"It's alright. I need to be up soon anyway," I reply, running my hands over my face and hair to wake up more fully.

"I brought your uniform. I think you should wear it today."

"To what end? We both know I cannot return as a soldier," I state harsher than I should.

"You were technically injured in the line of duty. You would not have been there had I not ordered you to take the assignment. Most of the council sees it as such and wishes you to retain an attachment to the command when this is over."

"When this is over?" I scoff. "I'd say it's bloody well gone to shit, Sir. It's past over as far as I'm concerned."

"This is not over," he replies firmly, which makes me uneasy. "We still need to pinpoint this cell of Deheomhan, and I think we're close now." He pauses, and I watch him, waiting for the rest of the statement. Whatever it is, he isn't telling me. He finally breaks from my gaze and releases a slow breath before speaking again, "I should state there are a few members of the council who want you court-martialed for how this has gone, but between me, Admiral Hawkins, and your teammates, I think we have a strong enough case to prevent that. Your military record speaks for itself."

I shake my head and release a sigh, "So am I now to discard the person I've been for the past nearly two years? To try and salvage what I earned in the war?"

"No. You are both. And that is what I want the council to see. That you are both a soldier and a scholar, the way this unfolded is less than ideal, I openly admit that."

I can't help letting out a rather undignified snort. "That's a rather diplomatic assessment."

"I know things could have gone better. I all but forced you into this. I feel somewhat responsible for your current situation and your condition."

I shake my head. "I got myself into this. I allowed myself to fall in love. And I did not consider the fact that she could wind up pregnant. We thought we were careful, obviously not careful enough."

"No one could have seen that coming, Richard."

"I should have," I state in a cold tone.

"How? We had people watching you, and none of us caught it either. So stop beating yourself up over it. Learn from what's happened and see how to do things differently the next time."

"I assure you, there will not be a next time."

"What would you do differently now?" He asks.

I put my head in my hands as I tried to think. "Perhaps I never would have tried to date," I replied slowly, dropping my head into my hands.

"So you do regret being with Celia."

"No," I reply firmly, eyes snapping to meet his. My reply is instant. "She is the only good thing to stem from this. But had we never dated, perhaps she would not have been with Robert, and he never would have hurt her," I say, unable to hide the crack of emotion in my tone.