Impossible to Love (Book 1 of The Starlite Heart)

The New Job

On the first day of her job Sophie met her predecessor outside the wall.

"You'll have fifteen captains under your command," Commander Brones told her.

He had about five inches on Sophie. The crease lines around his eyes, mouth and forehead told his age. His muscles were the kind a man cannot have without regular exercise and dedication. His skin reminded Sophie of Prince Neal. It had the slight tan that all starlites got after a considerable time in the grounds.

Brones informed Sophie that he had spent the last two years with the guardians. Before that he was in the army. After the death of his wife, he had decided to spend some time away from home. But now he craved for the mountains.

Brones measured up his successor with his dark and experienced eyes. All he knew about the young plump girl was that she was a decorated soldier and the Chief Commander had personally chosen her. She looked eager to learn and naively confident.

The commander dedicated his last day at the grounds to teach Sophie, all that he thought was necessary to take the command. "Each of the captains has a troop of guards under him. The number differs from twenty to forty. You should try to meet each captain at least once a day."

Sophie calculated the number of men under her command and shivered. Brones saw the slight tremor and smiled. "Not too confident," he thought.

He said, "You'll meet Colonel Hossier and the six other commanders of the team within the week."

He had already told her about the strategy meeting that every colonel held with his commanders at least once a week.

Brones had decided to familiarize Sophie with all her captains. Throughout the day, they flew from one troop to another. Brones introduced Sophie to a variety of people and Sophie tried to remember each of their names and faces. He spent the whole day explaining and she listened, trying to understand and retain as much as she could.

"The colonels and commanders do not have a uniform but the troops and captains have to wear them."

The uniforms were like the normal starlite wear- tights covered with a mid-thigh length shirt and a belt over the shirt on the waist. The major difference was that the white shirt was cotton and the black tights, which were a thicker cotton, were looser than their starlite counterparts. The captains also supported a buttoned up coat with their name tag on it. It was more after the human fashion and a far cry from the starlite fur and leather. Sophie had also spotted some of the guards wearing black caps.

The moon had arrived by the time they were done with the fifteen troops and finally landed in front of a house. It was a white two-storey building with no stairs. It screamed of being built for a starlite. The ground floor was a busy clothes store.

"This is my house," Brones said. "I thought I would rent it out to you and save you the trouble of house hunting."

He opened the door. "No stairs means no intruders. Only a starlite can enter this house."

It was a two room house furnished with wood. The door and two windows overlooked the busy street. "It's very neat." Sophie touched the smooth wooden table.

"I have emptied it out. The lower part is not yours, but this floor and the roof belong to you."

"It's perfect," Sophie beamed. "Thank you for renting it out to me."

"Glad you like it. I do hope you'll be comfortable here. This is a very convenient location."

"How?" Sophie asked. "This city is nearer to the capital than the wall."

"Maderna is a market town. The elites and even the royals buy everything from here. This city welcomes all, and best of all," he paused, "this shop has the best tailor in the country."

"They make starlite clothes?"

"I haven't shopped anywhere else since I found this shop. Though it does make only the kind of clothes we wear on the grounds."

"Summer clothes." She smiled.

"That reminds me, I need to buy new clothes for winter."

"And I for summer."

"Tell him you live here and he will give you neighbourhood discount. One more reason I shop here." He grinned. "Now I must bid you farewell and go back to the mountains."

Brones left for the mountains like an arrow shot after a tight draw, enjoying the increasing thinness of air around him.

Sophie went to the cloth-shop. The visit proved to be very productive. The owner was a delightful man named Rocus. He informed her that he had been in the business for more than two decades.

"The magnificence bless you starlites," he said. "Or Lord Star," he corrected himself, "who ever you believe in. Same clothes for everyone. Humans here need separate clothes for the women folk. Then there are robes for the other people. Takes away half my business," he grunted.

He then proceeded to explain that he did not make gowns and 'other stuff'. "My clothes are the best. Even the ol' King Otpal had said, 'Rocus, you need to shift to the castle.' But I told him, I ain't going anywhere. Leave my shop? Oh hell no. So now even if the crown prince wants to buy my clothes, he has to come to the shop himself." He mumbled at the end, "Not that he ever comes or sends a servant."

With time Sophie got acquainted with many other humans and nymphs. Her talks with humans were generally limited to the customary greetings, but with the nymphs she found herself talking lengths. It wasn't uncommon for Sophie to find a nymph sunbathing on the beach. Some nights, when she would get really bored, Sophie would find herself taking a stroll on the beach. And she would often find some company as moon bathing was as popular among the nymphs as sunbathing. And whenever Sophie met a nymph, she found it necessary to talk to her.

Sophie found it delightful to learn about human and nymph culture. Some of the younger nymphs even enquired about the starlites and their way of living.

In her new job, Sophie found an ease that she had never experienced among the starlites. The  mountaineers had always been jealous of her standing with the royal family and had a habit of praising her connections for her achievements.

Even though Sophie found friendlier people on the grounds, the Sia-shaped hole in her life was yet to be filled.

Still, the beach was as much more welcoming than the mountains as it's inhabitants.

It was a paradise, just like Suffle had described. The view of the ocean was breath-taking in itself; the soft sand, the cold breeze, the smell of the sea was enough to make anyone smile. The beach was the cleanest place under the sky that Sophie had ever seen. The flowers on the beach were not only beautiful and heavenly smelling, they were also arranged and groomed in a way that lured people.

Sophie had yet to see a nymph who was plain or ugly. They were all mesmerising. The nymphs had all kinds of eye colour, hair colour, skin tones, height, weight and features but somehow they all had one common feature in their body- natural beauty. The nymphs never tried to enhance their beauty, nor did they need it. They never had a worry about their looks. They never worried about what clothes to wear; they simply never wore any. The clothes were strictly saved for when they wanted to cross the wall.

One evening when Sophie got to the beach for a leisurely stroll, she found a grumpy looking nymph alone at the beach. She recognized her as Masha, someone she had conversed with a couple times before.

"Thin crowd today," Sophie commented.

Masha looked at the intruder of her solitude. "Everyone is at the celibacy celebration of the queen."

"You don't like it?" Sophie felt something strange in Masha's tone, something like mockery.

"I just don't understand it," she said. "All of a sudden, a nymph stops being a nymph. Can you think of it? Never having sex for the rest of your life."

Sophie thought about it and decided that she would not like it.

"And it's different for us nymphs," she continued, "it's like a drug we can't live without." Masha looked at Sophie and gave her a rueful smile, "I suppose it's different for you people. You don't feel."

"We do feel," Sophie said sternly. "We just can't feel love." She waved a finger at the nymph. “Only one feeling. Fear, anger, pride, we feel all that. But I'm going to let this slide as I feel you are upset about something else."

"Tanya has also taken the vow," Masha whispered. "She is so young and she is so happy about it." Masha hesitated, "I saw her weeping after her last conquest."

Sophie had no idea who Tanya was, but she guessed her to be a nymph close to Masha.

"Do you think it can be remorse?" Sophie supplied.

"Remorse or no remorse," she said, her voice getting louder, "It's impossible to give up." She whispered, "And then they just take the vow."

The nymphs had told her that the conquest was like an unquenchable thirst. No matter how many men they seduced, it could not be fulfilled, only subdued. They were always hungry for more.

"Tell me one thing," Sophie asked Masha in an attempt to change the topic. She was beginning to feel uncomfortable. "What will happen if you stole a nymph's heart?"

Sophie had not inherited King Suffle's curious nature, she was taught to always enquire about things, even when deemed unnecessary. And Sophie was in  desperate need of changing the subject.

"We can't," Masha said. She smiled through the corner of her mouth. "But, I can tell you what happens if I steal a starlite heart.

"You can do that?" Sophie's eyes got wide with shock.

Masha waved her hand. "Don't worry. Nobody's going to steal your heart." She scoffed. "It will be a wasted effort, hard work for nothing." She shook her head, "I mean, we all know, nobody can love a starlite."

Sophie nodded murmuring the age old line from the tale, "You shall not receive love from nymph or human, that is only fair."

She didn't think Masha would hear it. "Then who will love a starlite?" She pursed her lips. "Another starlite?"

"Oh no! I'm agreeing with you," Sophie said in rushed tone. "It's just I always remember it like this. That's what the magnificent queen said."

Masha rolled her eyes. "You think the story is right? That this is some kind of curse? That the humans are better than us?"

'They do rule us,' Sophie wanted to say. But instead she asked, "Have you ever stolen a starlite heart? How does it look?"

"Have you seen a heart getting stolen?" Masha tapped her fingers on Sophie's arm.

"Yes,' Sophie said remembering the day. "A nymph with green eyes and curly black hair had stolen a girl's heart right in front of me. I could not do anything. But it turned out to be empty, pink."

Masha nodded. "You remember how it looked?"

Her brow furrowed. "It looked like a big pink bubble, if you could touch bubbles."

"If it was filled, it would have been crimson. The darker the red, the stronger the love," Masha said. "If I were to steal your heart right now, it would be transparent. No colour."

"Not even pink?"

"Not even white," she said, tilting her chin to the left. "Pink is for non-romantic love. You know, parents', siblings', friends' love."

"We don't even get that." Sophie's mouth tasted sour.

"Nobody can love a starlite," Masha repeated in triumph.