Survival Without a Plot

The First Lie They Feed You

The first lie they feed you: wooden planks stop zombies from getting in.

In reality, metal sheets that are drilled in with strong screws serve you much better than wooden planks with gaps in that are hastily nailed into a brick wall, which isn't actually how nails work. It takes a hell of a lot more that just a hammer to get nails into a brick. I would know, it tried it. These movies prepare you for nothing.

Anyway, the point I was trying to make with that was that that's the first thing I do every day. Go round this tiny little shed thing - I think technically it's a barn - and check every single window and door. I never bother with the top ones. No one I knew when they were alive could scale a building, so there's no reason they can either. And even if they can, I can slay them as they come.

I do that now, going slowly down the makeshift ladder I built of rotting wood that leads up the the second floor. I jump down once I reach the sixth one down, deciding that the bottom three aren't worth risking today. I grab my hammer by the door and pull the drill from the windowsill next to it. I shove the latter into my belt and swing the hammer up so it's resting on my shoulder, before heading out.

The first few windows are fine, bar a scratched in word that vaugly represents my name - probably scratched in by a hunter wanting to scare me into surrender. It doesn't work. Once I get round the back of the shed, however, there's a sheet that looks fine on first glance, but once I run my fingers over the screws I notice that all of them are loose. I squint out at the moors, this is something just a little too high tech for a regular zombie. Either it's the same goddamn hunter, or a cleverer one is after me. I drill them all back in place and move on.

Only that one is undone, which worries me. It's at the back of the barn as well, which means someone could get in during the night. I consider duct taping over the needles, but I need the duct tape for my arms. Zombies are still human, which means they have shit teeth. And they don't brush them, obviously so most of the are rotting. Now, I don't know if you've ever tried biting into duct tape with rotting teeth, but it's pretty hard. Your most vulnerable bits are your fingers. Ever heard the rumor that it takes the same amount of strength to bite through a carrot as it does your fingers but your brain stops you doing it? That rumor's true. And, of course, because zombies don't have brains, they bite through your fingers easily. Sadly, you can't duct tape your fingers because you need them to fight. Still, I manage. By the time I die I doubt I'll have any real fingers left. So far I've only lost a half, and I've managed to fix some scrap metal onto that so it grips handles. If I loose a whole finger though, I'll have to figure out a way to make it move with the rest of my hand. Things like that do exist, I just don't know where or how to make them.