Art Crap :)

problematic

hi

sorry for the lack of actual updates and the uhh

b u l l s h i t

i've been posing

i'm not doing so well

i kind of broke down what had happened between me and my friend

and i cried because i realized i was in more of an abusive friendship than i realized

idk i'm going to make another long af a/n story at the end

if you wanna read it go ahead

but here's a wip i've been working on

if you know what adventure zone is you'll get it

if not that's fine

but these people represent different aspects of my personality 

ye

if you know adventure time you know what i'm doing

if you don't that's fine

just

yeah

k

bai

-chip

hi. it's me. so uhh i just came to the realization that i was in an abusive friendship for over 4 years. i looked this over and confirmed that it's not entirely her fault. i also have some blame on my part. and these series of events may have been coincidential in one way or another, but it's highly unlikely.

so if you looked at both of my previous a/n things, you'll know that i used to have a crush on b, and she may have outed me to my parents.

so after the whole crush incident i thought she was a decent person overall. she just overreacts a bit. so she stopped talking to me for a bit. it's fine. she always comes around.

but she didn't

and she's shittier than i thought (AGAIN THESE EVENTS MAY BE PURELY COINCIDENTAL (prolly not but eh) SO DON'T TAKE MY WORD FOR IT)

so back in grade 5 when we first met, she introduced me to b^2 and y. it was just the four of us. and at the time, she was one of my closest friends. i would do anything for her.

i mean anything.

i would help her carry her stuff, i would always buy her lunch, and i change myself because of her.

i had an identity crisis recently because i didn't know who i was anymore. 

i always did whatever she asked me to do. i would change anything and everything for her. i did everything.

she hated hotdogs and assumed i'd agree. so i did.

she loved harry potter and made me watch all the movies, read all the books, and know all the lore. so i did.

she listened to melanie martinez 2 months after i stopped listening to her for a bit so i could listen to hamilton, but she said it was kinda dumb and i should go listen to melanie martinez. so i did.

she finally got into hamilton and told i should get back into it. so i did.

okay wait that last one wasn't at all manipulative because she knew i loved it before.

but anyways, i would try and be like her in every way possible.

she was older (but slightly shorter) than me, and she knew it. i acted like she was my superior, and she seemed to enjoy that. so i kept doing it. and in grade 7, i began to slowly fall in love with her.

i saw her as this perfect figure. good at things, hot as fUCK (to the people who know  us and who b is: don't look too much into this please), talented, so fUCKING HOT LIKE I HAVE THAT FUCKING FEELING WHEN YOU SEE AN AMAZINGLY HOT PERSON YOU CRUSH ON. YEAH I'M HAVING THAT FEELING AS I'M TYPING THIS, IDK WHY, I HATE HER NOW BUT DAMN SHE LOOKS SO GOOD, kind, and sUPER HOT. and yes to this day (even though i hate her as a person) she is still super hot. like in the fifth grade we took a bath together (i was 8, she was 9. don't you dare imagine shit.) and OH MY GOD IN GRADE SEVEN I WOULD HYPERVENTILATE AT THAT IMAGE CAUSE DAMN EVEN AT THAT AGE SHE WAS FUCKING HOT LIKE JESUS I WANTED HER TO FUCK ME SO BADLY UGHH. LIKE WE HAD SWIMMING CLASSES TOGETHER AND SHE LOOKED SO FINE IN THAT SWIMSUIT AND WHILE CHANGING INTO NORMAL CLOTHING I REALLY WANTED TO FUCK HER. THIS IS COMING FROM A DEMISEXUAL. AND I THOUGHT I WAS ASEXUAL. IG ONLY CERTAIN PEOPLE TURN ME ON THE THIS LEVEL. BUT DAMN I WANTED TO HUG HER WAIST AND LEAN ON HER SHOULDER, BUT I NEVER COULD. AND SHE'S SO HOT THAT I CAN'T—

but soon, i started looking at myself like shit. i still do. because i am shit.

she would be so hOT and here i am. i'm the fat girl. the fat friend. 

my self esteem went really low. and not only that, but every year (grades 5-8) there would be a number of months where we wouldn't talk.

she'd be mad at me for various reasons

grade 5: "omg gab is so annoying" (i agree)

grade 6: i texted her in a different font and she got pissed

grade 7: i let her go on the viking ride by herself (and uhm you wanted to go with me you fucking pile of shit. don't blame me if i lET YOU JOIN US)

grade 8: crushii

yeah. grade 5 was reasonable, but grades 6-7 were just

confusing ?

but one thing always remained during these times

she would always make me feel like i was always at fault

and i did feel like i was a fault.

i would hit myself everyday, screaming "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT. CAN'T YOU SEE IT. YOU ARE THE REASON EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED UP."

and what did she do knowing that she had finally gotten to me ?

she'd text y and b^2 telling them that i would always play victim. 

how do i know ?

b^2 told me

she showed me the texts.

and she would always be the one to apologize. and it was the kind of apology that screeched "i'm sorry but this is all your fault. i'm just saying sorry to make shit less awkward."

and every time she speaks she always has this "i am correct" voice lmao

so that's it

ye

k 

bai

-chip