A List of Firsts (How it All Started with Jennie's Ruthless Confidence)

"You're not supposed to be here."

"Neither are you."

"We're not supposed to be here." Jennie made an annoyed sound and Namjoon's stomach dropped a bit at the unwelcome gesture. "They can't see you with me."

"Why?"

"You know why." Jennie snapped then as if that was all the energy she could expend, her body turned lax. She stretched her folded legs in front of her and picked lint off from her silver skirt.

Namjoon did know. He just did not care. His reputation a far less priority in that moment. If Yoongi was there with him, he would have smacked his palm in his face dramatically and mourn for their total ruin because little Namjoon was controlling big Namjoon too much.

"My cousin's one of them." Jennie begun, her tone a reminiscent of the first time she blocked his path, child-like innocent and lifeless spirit blended together.

"Of what?"

"Of the victims." The way she delivered her next statement was done in a manner of someone delicately picking apart words by words from whatever emotion they were originally meant to be attached with. "She wanted to audition for YG. I said no. I could have sent a plane ticket, or a bus ticket but I was too stubborn. She, even more so than me."

"It wasn't your fault." Namjoon said but his words may as well have been lost in the thousands of voices in the stadium.

"It wasn't her fault too." Jennie tilted her chin up the ceiling. "She grew up with me. She wanted so desperately to be like me and I could not give her that, would not allow that because... just look at me. Why would anyone want to be like me?"

And it was only when the first drop of tear slid down her cheek that Namjoon understood. Here was Jennie Kim, cruel and enchanting, and could not even mourn properly because if she did, more people were going to tear her apart. She reminded him of someone, a person he had battled with and lost so many years ago. So Namjoon did what he knew that person would have wanted, he tugged her close and held her body against him. At first, her limbs tensed under his hands, her left shoulder angled awkwardly against his chest. Her eyes met his in the dark and despite the absence of words between them, the roar of fans outside, the danger of their position and the risk of getting caught, she let him.

Namjoon did not see her again for another three months but he kept up with the news. Her reputation continued to tether between good and deplorable articles. She was talented but tired, drained and lifeless. She had potential but she lacked tenacity. Must be because of her privileged background. Must be because of YG's favoritism. All these Namjoon listened and processed but with reservations.

His band mates were starting to notice. Heck, there was no hiding the fact that when Jimin borrowed his phone, he was bound to be greeted by recommendations about BLACKPINK. Or when Namjoon was almost out of their shared hotel room, and he would step backwardly to watch news about BLACKPINK while Yoongi and Jin continued to make gagging noises each time. Or even when they were shooting a content video for their Vlive channel and passed by a kpop store and Namjoon picked up a Jennie Kim fan and Taehyung froze and had to cover that up by choosing his own Red Velvet themed fan. And that time when Hoseok and him were recording their own diary entry and accidentally slipped that he liked Jennie's voice the most.

It got to the extent that Bang PD himself called in the middle of the night (afternoon in South Korea) and demanded to know what the fuck was the deal between him and Jennie because their ARMYs were starting to speculate he harbored a crush. Namjoon assured him that it was nothing and completely unintentionally mistakes.

Nothing.

It was what Namjoon kept telling himself when once more Jennie sent him a picture of a book she finished reading and even if he did not ask, continued spoiling it for him. Like he said before, she reminded him of someone.