A List of Firsts (How it All Started with Jennie's Ruthless Confidence)

The words did not register until she was half-way out the backstage canteen. Puzzled, Namjoon frowned as she seemed to draw herself into a ball against the other idols littering the ground. She did not look up, nor demonstrated basic respect to any of them. He wondered then if her reputation held any truth.

---OOO---

It was two months later into 2019 that Namjoon heard of her again.

This time in the presence of the cool air condition of their dressing room and against the sweat-induced air of the tired bodies of his bandmates. Namjoon stared at the screen of the television, chest heaving from non-stop performing for an hour and a half for BTS' first concert of the year. Somewhere in the background, Taehyung made a disappointed noise and Jin's ridiculous theories. All Namjoon saw was Jennie Kim's body dragged from a club, her remarkable features now slacked undoubtedly from the amount of alcohol she must have consumed to be reduced to this.

They did not see each other for six months.

---OOO---

The next time Namjoon bumped into her, it was completely accidental (or not). SBS was holding a fundraising concert for the victims of the recent terrorist attack in one of Seoul's subway. Most of kpop artist were present to show their support. His band needed to fly back from the Manila to attend said concert and had four hours more before they boarded a plane back to make up for their scheduled tour.

It was not like he was specifically looking for her. He was just hoping to bump into her that's all and maybe ask why she kept going down the black hole since the last time they met. It would not be an easy conversation but one that Namjoon was kind of personally invested about.

He watched BLACKPINK debut and was able to witness their quick climb to fame. Namjoon needed to observe them closely for that first year but he was not shy to admit he had grown fond of their music. It was only natural for him to be curious why their most popular member was always trending for all the wrong things: smoking, drinking, lack of effort and bad attitude were just few of those things recently associated to the once revered Jennie Kim.

He did not see her.

Not in the canteen. Nor in the near vicinity of BLACKPINK's dressing area. He did saw Lisa and Rose entering their room but no Jennie in sight. Giving up, Namjoon was on his way back to their assigned sitting in the crowd when he heard rustling behind the boxes of props piled in the left corner of the door leading outside. He glanced at the guards manning the entrance but they did not appear to notice. Namjoon chewed his left cheek and debated with himself. He figured if it was just a stray animal, he had nothing to lose.

He moved behind the boxes, as inconspicuous as possible which was not an easy feat for someone with his towering height. Fortunately, the guard who did noticed him extended his care only to fans slipping inside the backstage and not to what idols got up to in their free time.

Namjoon barely managed to exhale in relief when he caught first glimpse of a folded woman's body, small and shivering against the cold stone of the floor. Jennie's eyes shoot up from where they were buried in her knees and Namjoon witnessed her expression transitioned from guarded to confused then to indifference.

He had so many things to tell her, to ask her but they all felt wrong to him in that instant. Here was Jennie Kim, the most beautiful idol according to South Korea's magazines, tucked in the corner of a dark backstage, shielded by the world by mere dusty boxes and there was nothing Namjoon wished than to be beside her. He did just that.

Jennie threw him a wary look. "What are you doing?"

"I don't know." Namjoon started leaning back but the boxes shifted dangerously.