Friday Night Tutor

Chapter 7

So, I promised my dear friend 'Lazy' that I would upload before the week ended, but didn't quite make the deadline. 48 minutes isn't too bad!
Again, this chapter isn't what I expected, but I guess this whole story isn't turning out to be what I first planned.
I hope you enjoy!
(Also, what do you think of the new cover? Yay or Nay? If you have any better ideas, feel free to share them!)
EE xoxo
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Chapter 7

To me, anxiety is not an illness. It is not a disability. It is a discomfort. Something that is present in my day-to-day life, but something I do not acknowledge. I have personally suffered from anxiety for years now, and at first I thought it was just me being nervous. I realised it was actually anxiety as it progressed and got worse; the rapid heartbeats, the shaky voice, the unsteady hands. The attacks.
When I had my first panic attack, I thought I was dying. As I lay there on the floor of my bedroom- my heartbeat going a million miles a second, my face on fire, my body jerking- I thought I was a goner. Turns out- after the attack was over, and I Googled my symptoms- I had anxiety.
I didn't want anxiety. I didn't want this constant discomfort to have a name; an identity. To have symptoms, and worst of all- medication. I thought the more I let this thing be, the more it would encompass me, define my behaviour, and affect my thinking. And in a way, it did.
So obviously, I did what any normal teen-in-denial would do; I kept it to myself.
That didn't work out so well for me when I had a full-fledged anxiety attack at Audrey's house two summers ago. Like I had once thought myself, everyone thought I was dying.
When I look back at it now, the memory is quite comical. Me on the floor, Adam, Audrey and her family surrounding me; crying, screaming, shaking, shouting frantically at that poor 911 dispatcher. Then there was me, lying on the floor- mentally going through the motions of a panic attack, wishing the ground would open up and swallow me and my pathetic existence whole and mentally telling everyone around me to shut the fuck up so I could have my panic attack in peace.
Needless to say, after that day- the cat was out of the bag.
What proceeded was what I consider 'my coming out'. Too-long 'chats' with my parents, worried looks, parenting books, self-help leaflets, doctors' appointments, medication and the worst part- never being left alone.
Audrey and Adam for some idiotic, yet sweet reason blamed themselves for not spotting my 'symptoms' before. This resulted in constant text messages, phone calls, Skype chats, movie nights, study dates and everything and anything that included the three of us being together.
They even took me on their dates- that was so not cool.
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The next morning, my alarm went off- and without even wearing my glasses- I trudged downstairs, walked to the kitchen, grabbed a doughnut, announced I wasn't going in to school and went back upstairs to bury myself deep between the layers of my sheets. Mom didn't say anything, which I assumed meant Audrey had called her and filled her in the moment I left to use the bathroom yesterday afternoon. As always, I was thankful for her over-bearing and motherly nature.
I hear Lissa asking mom if she can stay home too, but mom distracts her by talking about her play date with Mia and Ava later on in the day.
Mom learnt early on that I refused to talk about my 'feelings' with her. Even when I was a child and I had a nightmare, I would go to her crying at night and sleep in her bed, but the next morning when I woke up I just acted as if it didn't happen. If either my mother or father asked what the dream was about or why I was scared, I wouldn't tell them or even answer them. I do that now. I don't tell my mother what triggered my panic attack, nor will I tell her why I don't want to go school, but she still allows me to skip. I don't abuse the fact that my mother sometimes allows me to skip school because of my various disabilities; I'm already too dumb, I can't risk not going in and falling further behind.
I spend the rest of the day reading and watching TV, but end up lying on my bed with my surround sound system blaring random songs off of my iPod; the loud music makes my ears ring and brain hurt, but at least the pain, the beat, the heavy bass and the lyrics distract me from my own anxieties. I would much rather spend the day listening to and analysing the plight of some singer portrayed through the lyrics of a song as opposed to wording and recording my own plight down in a journal- which much to my dismay, my doctor suggested. Plus, my handwriting is absolutely horrific, I couldn't taint the beautifully blank pages of the leather bound notebook I had bought as a journal.
The rest of my day goes on like this. I occasionally get up from my bed to go to the toilet or walk over to my mini- fridge.
Mom comes up at dinner time to give me a plate of food. I'm not happy as I have to get up to unlock my door to retrieve the food.
I don't know when I started locking my door, but it has become second nature. Whenever I'm in my room, I have to lock my door. I can't concentrate on anything or relax until I do.
I thank my mother for the food and my mood worsens when I see her worry tainted expression. I want to talk to her, but I can't; it'll be too weird to suddenly open up now.
I'm too used to keeping everything to myself.
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When I wake up on Friday morning I feel better. Not good, but better.
I throw on a pair of black skinny jeans, a thick, baggy mint coloured sweater- the good weather couldn't have lasted; plus, I like the cold. I put my hair up in a messy bun as my gaze travels over my contact lenses; I'm in no mood to have to put up with my hair falling in my face or my contacts going dry throughout the day. I grab my backpack, put on my heeled black ankle boots and head downstairs for breakfast.
"Feeling better?" mom asks as I down my cereal.
I chew slowly to pass time and fidget in my seat as mom's continuous gaze stays on me. "Erm, yeah, much better actually."
Thankfully the sound of Audrey's manic horn sounds before mom can answer and I'm out the door, "See ya after school, mom," I yell.
"Okay, sweetheart," she yells back, "Don't forget Daniel is coming over tonight to tutor you, make sure you bring the right books home from school."
I stop dead in my tracks. Dammit! I had forgotten about my tutoring sessions with the horny golden boy. I'm not even sure I'll be able to find a way out of these damn sessions, especially because my tutor lives five seconds away.
I'm pulled out of my thoughts by another round of manic horn honking and run out of the house before one of my neighbours files a formal complaint to the board- again.
"Dude, you need to learn some patience," I say as I plant my but on the passenger's seat.
Audrey races off again, flying into my neighbour's driveway and executing a flawless- yet gut wrenching- three point turn. "Dude," she imitates me, "You need to learn to hurry your pretty little but up."
"We're gonna' have to pay a fine the next time we get a complaint, you know," I say to Audrey in a warning tone.
Audrey lowers her visor and proceeds to apply a perfect coat of orange lip gloss- a shade only Audrey could pull off- with one hand on the steering wheel and no eyes on the road. "I know," she replies nonchalantly, "But ya'll are rich enough to afford it, so I'm not too bothered."
"Firstly, you need to stop with the 'ya'll'. You went down south to visit your grandma for a week; that does not make you a southern belle," Audrey shoots me the bird in reply. "And second, they're also threatening to ban your car from the estate."
"Well, that would pose a problem," she says, now thankfully driving with both eyes on the road. We argue about the gated community I live in and laugh at some of my more senior neighbours and how seriously they take the rules.
We pull up to the school parking, "Stupid gated communities, with their stupid gated community rules," Audrey mumbles as I remind that she's broken the record for the one person who has received the most formal complaints against them in our estate- and she's not even a resident!
I laugh and shake my head at her childish act and reach my hand out to open the door when I realise I forgot to put rings on. Wow, my hands look naked.
Audrey must have noticed me looking at my naked hands and opens up her ash tray. I smile and reach for the collection of rings I've left behind in her car. I usually start the day off with a good few rings circling my fingers, but get bored and tired of fidgeting with them, or they feel uncomfortable when I'm writing, or using my phone, so I take them off and leave them wherever.
I place two rings on my middle and ring fingers; a silver wrap-a-round arrow and silver skull, then another silver wire ring just above the knuckle on my ring finger. I wiggle my fingers and make sure the rings look good, "Yes, yes, you're hands look all sexy and edible now, can we please go before we're late!" Audrey shouts, I roll my eyes at her dramatics and follow her into school.
My morning passes by uneventfully. A few teachers question my absence and I hand them the note mom wrote for me last night. They nod and hand me yesterday's work with instructions to finish them and catch up over the weekend.
Thankfully, my anxiety is calmer today, just a low hum deep in my chest; something that I've learnt is easily ignorable.
When lunch time rolls by I pass Daniel at Claire's table, she's wedged her body against his as they eat, or really as their lunches sit untouched in front of them. I wonder if they've slept together yet? I'm not too sure, but in between doing Claudia on Wednesday night and now, could he really have bedded two girls within two days? I mentally shrug my shoulders and concede to never knowing.
I'm greeted at the lunch table by Audrey and Adam making out; vigorously. I throw my lunch on the table, grab their heads and tear them apart. "Ugh, don't you just hate when couples practically suck each other's faces off in the cafeteria?" I say as I wedge myself between the two, forcing them down the bench and sitting down, "I mean, if you guys are that hungry, there's food right there in front of you."
I look at Audrey, she just gives me an innocent smile, and then at Adam, who at least has the decency to look sheepish. I bump my shoulders with both of theirs, then unwrap my sandwich and begin to devour it. I'm so caught up with my lunch, I miss the look Adam and Audrey share; their silent conversation, their agreement, and the sly smiles. I barely have time to react when suddenly two pairs of lips are on either of my cheeks. I try to push the two away but they're holds are too strong. They're actually sucking on my cheeks!
"Oh my god guys! Stop! I'm going to get hickys on my cheeks!" With a final shove, the two give in and back away. Audrey even dares to blow me a kiss!
I quickly grab Adam's phone which is sitting on the table in front of me and switch on the front facing camera. I gasp loudly and start rubbing at the red spots on my cheeks. Everyone at the table bursts into hysterical laughter and I can't help but laugh too.
"My cheeks better go back to normal before next period," I say, my stomach hurting from laughter.
"That's a cute look, Lexi," an annoyingly distinctive voice says.
I look up at Claire and say, "Yeah, I'm trying out a new, more natural blusher. How does it look?"
"Stupid," she says and stalks off. I mentally applaud her kindergarten comeback, the return to my lunch.
"Well, I wonder what has her thong all tangled up," Audrey thinks out loud.
"It probably has to do with the fact that she's been rubbing up against Daniel Kepler for the better part of a week now, and he's still yet to... you know, rub her back," George- who is sitting across me- says.
"I'm sure it'll happen soon enough, Keplers only been here a week and he's laid Claudia and Alice," Jax says from beside George.
"But can you blame the guy?" Audrey says, "If I looked like him, I'd pull all the girls I wanted, when I wanted," she winks at Adam as he smiles and shakes his head, "And he is doing just that, so I guess he's smart."
"So he's hot, it doesn't give him the right to sleep with every girl who gives him sexy eyes; its disgusting," I add.
"How can you complain? You're going to be spending your Friday nights with that fine young man," Audrey's smile is wide and I whack her on the arm for spilling.
"What? You have a date with Daniel?" Claire- no, not the same one- asks. Her eyes are wide and make her adorable face look even more innocent.
"No, no. Hell no. He's my tutor," I rectify.
Jax raises his eye brows at me and I motion for Audrey to explain to them.
"A Friday night tutor, I'm sure you'll learn plenty," Eli says when Audrey finishes, a mischievous gleam in his eyes.
I throw my sandwich rapper at him and roll my eyes, "of math, yes."
"Math, chemistry..." Eli says, then looks at his brother.
"...Physical education," Jax finished off and smirks.
Claire, George, Jax and Eli have been a part of our larger circle of friends since the beginning of high school when all of the boys tried out for the football team; they're the mannered portion of the Tower Gate High Football Team.
Claire is the smallest of us- she's even smaller than me! Mousey would be an accurate word to describe Claire. Her dirty blonde hair falls straight around her small face and her large brown eyes could melt anyone's heart. Freshman year, Claire was an even smaller, even shyer little girl who could barely reach her top locker, and Audrey being Audrey, took it upon herself to take Claire under her wing and guide her through high school. Claire took easily to Audrey's bright and slightly crazy motherly nature and the two of us bonded over our love for books- much to Audrey's dismay.
George has a round, almost cute face. His small eyes are the only give that he has any Asian in him- luckily he didn't inherit his father's five foot five, Chinese frame. He gets his light brown- almost red hair from his half Irish mother.
Jax and Eli are fraternal twins. The only similar thing about them are their dark grey, almost green eyes and they're pro-wrestler builds. Jax has light blonde, nearly platinum hair that sits closely cropped to his head and a strong jaw. Eli's dirty brown dread locks always sit at the base of his neck, bound by a worn leather cord. After an intense week of puberty, a few visits to the doctor and a double prescription for acne medicine, the two grew into their broad shoulders and lanky limbs. They're a daunting pair, but they're really the sweetest guys, even when they're dropping innuendos (and panties) here, there and everywhere.
We spend the remainder of lunch discussing New Meat and I'm suddenly embarrassed when he sits down beside me next period. I feel my cheeks begin to redden as if he knew that I had just spent the whole my lunch discussing him and our Friday night tutoring sessions.
"Hey," he says as he places his books on the desk.
"Finally got a textbook, I see."
He taps my own textbook with his pen, "You finally remembered your textbook, I see."
"Mmhmm," I reply, remembering his comment on Wednesday afternoon.
As if he can sense my change in mood, he asks, "Hey, are you feeling better now?" When I don't answer he says, "I'm sorry for what I said about your work, I didn't mean to offend you."
I bite the inside of my cheek and tighten my bun before I reply; not sure what to say. "It's okay, you just caught me on a bad day."
Before he can say anything else, Mr W walks in and greets the class with his usual 'Settle down and be quiet'.
As Mr W starts his lecture, I turn to the correct page in the textbook and mark it with a sticky note; I'll definitely need Daniel to help me catch up on whatever I missed yesterday- I might as well use our situation to my advantage. Mr W mentions the packs he gave us on Wednesday and reminds us that we have to hand them in completed the following Monday. I cringe at the memory of the stupid pack, which was now stained with my tears from my panic attack. I mentally shove that memory away and add the pack to the list of things I'll need help with.
I sit through the rest of the class watching Daniel from the corner of my eye. Every time Mr W asks the class a question or puts an equation up on the board, I see his index finger sliding across the surface of the desk, as if he was working it out. Even though he does this- works out the answer to every question- he never raises his hand to answer. He just watches, nodding his head if someone gives the right answer, or shaking it when it's wrong before Mr W even gives his verdict.
When class ends, Daniel gets up, collects his books and holds them all with his left arm; texting with his right.
I'm about to leave when I impulsively turn back around, "Hey, remember you're tutoring me tonight."
Daniel looks up, a confused expression on his face, "What?"
I sigh and repeat myself, waiting for him to reply.
"Shit," he murmurs.
"What, did you make plans?" I ask.
"Yeah," he says, looking relieved.
I smile, "Well, cancel them." Daniel gives me a frustrated look. I cross my arms over my chest, "Tell them you're busy, you have prior engagements."
"Don't you have anything better to do on a Friday night?" he asks, putting his phone in his jacket pocket.
I push my glasses up my nose, "Nope," I pop the 'p', turn and walk away before he can reply. "Be at mine at six, I'll text you directions to my house so you don't get lost," I say over my shoulder just before I leave the room and make my way to my next class.
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If you've read my story up until now, then I am truly greatful that you're spending your time reading my work! So please, please leave a comment telling me what you think, what you'd like to happen, or just saying that you're reading so that I may thank you :)
Until next time... :*

EE