An Accident

Oh no...

Oh no no no no no no!! I can't remember any faces, at all! I know I must have a mother and a father, but I can't remember their faces or how their voices sound, bloody hell, I don't even remember their names and where we live!

Panic swallows me. I am frozen, not that I could move without the panic, but I'm absolutely glued to the spot. My heart is beating faster and faster, I feel like I have just fallen from a rooftop and there is nothing inside me, just empty space. I am short of breath, my heart is pounding so fast that my lungs can't catch up. 

I start to shiver. Damn, it was better when I was frozen. I have no idea if I should call for the nurse, I am quite sure there are other patients here beside me and I don't want to disturb them. The little tremble I have developed sends rushes of pain all over my body, it's an absolute agony!

"Hello again Leo, how are you feeling? Please answer me this time," the nurse says as she marches in from behind the curtain. "What's wrong? You're very pale, did something happen while I was away?" 

So she noticed, but I don't have the nerve to be sarcastic right now, I need help! "Please, help me! I can't remember anything except my name and age!" I manage to squeeze out these word with a trembling voice before a tear rolls down to my pillow.

...

She just stands there, dumbfounded. And then dashes off without saying anything! What am I supposed to do now? Is it that bad? I feel frightened, my limbs are rushing with cold blood. I want to be able to do something! 

I have no idea if I had been laying there for 5 or 15 minutes until someone came. The nurse is back with a middle-aged man. "Stay calm, I will now proceed to do an overall check on you," he states with a stoned face. "What's your name young man?" he asks while checking my eyes and pupils.

The shaking stops, my mind clings to the one thing I know: "I'm Leo," I answer with a hoarse voice.

"Nice to meet you, Leo, I'm doctor Lanshell and my job is to check if your brain is working as it should," he tells me while massaging my head, "does it hurt when I do this?"

"No," I don't have any bumps on my head, which is... pretty weird, now that I think about it. How come do I have a fractured wrist and bruises all over my body, but no bumps on my head? It's getting weirder by the minute.

"Hmm..." the doctor scratches the back of his head and his brows are knitted, "I don't see anything wrong from the outside. It would be so much easier if you could just remember what happened," he mumbled to himself, but I heard him and I don't know how to feel. I'm a little angry that he treats me like annoying paperwork and I'm a little scared since this kind of behaviour from a professional doctor can't mean anything good.

Doctor Lanshell turns to the nurse: "I need you to prepare an M.R.I. for him." "Okay, I don't think it has been scheduled for today so I'll go make the arrangements," the nurse answers and storms off. 

"Uhm, excuse me?" I try to get the doctors attention since we've been left alone. "Yes? What is it?" he asks me, "what is an... M.R.I.?" I need to ask it because I am already in the dark and I'd like to avoid any further confusion. 

"Oh, no worries! It's computed tomography, it allows us to see inside your head. It is a big tube-like machine, we will slide you in and you'll need to stay very still for some time and the computer will map your brain condition," the doctor explains to me like I'm a child.

I'm a bit sceptical, but if this is my only option... I'm in no condition to fight back anyway.

"I'll go see how the preparations are going, so you'll have to be on your own for a little while, okay?" he waits for an answer, to see if it's okay to leave me alone. "Yeah, I guess I can manage it for a little longer," I decide to say to avoid discomfort. "Are you really sure you will be okay if I left you alone? I don't think the nurse acted accordingly, leaving you all alone in this mess," he asks me to confirm that I'm not lying to him. I'm battling myself on this thought - if I told him that I'm fine, he would go and make sure the preparations are done correctly if  I asked him to stay, it would create an awkward silence between us, but I could also get answers to my questions.

I've been quiet for so long that he asks again: " Is it okay if I leave you alone?" he asks me in a more serious tone than before. It makes me feel like he's impatient with me and that he has better things to do than to sit here with me all day. "Yes," I reply quickly without giving it another thought.

The man walks out and I'm all alone again. Why did I say it's okay to leave me alone? I obviously don't want to be alone. Maybe this is how I am? Maybe it's my subconscious reminding me of who I was before today? I don't know. All that I can do is to wait for the results of the M.R.I.