Sour Grapes

Chapter 16 - Dear Oh Dear Oh Dear

Dear Draco,

I feel horribly about the way things were left between us yesterday and I fear I have multiple apologies to make. You said we have nothing further to discuss, so rather than insisting we speak again, please permit me to assuage my guilty conscience here in a letter and I will do my best to be brief. Although, I do have a habit of going on and on, so apologies in advance if that is how this turns out.

Firstly, I must truly apologize for jumping on you the moment I saw you. I was feeling a large number of mixed emotions, not least of which was fear, as you alluded to, due to being back at Malfoy Manor. I must say, my logical mind had already lost the reigns of control by the time I stepped out of the fire. To be quite honest, I don't entirely recall deciding to accept your invitation, and before I knew it I had gone through the Delacour floo and there I was.

I confess that your last few words seemed to act on me like a summoning charm and I was on my way to you before I had a chance to make a logical decision. The moment I stepped out of the floo, my body flooded with terror and if not for your enthusiastic house elf, I think I would have turned right around and left.

Then, seeing you again after what had happened that morning brought me back to a sense of comfort and elation I was in such dire need of in that moment that I simply could not help but kiss you.

I'm sorry if these sound like excuses, I'm not trying to justify my behavior or minimize the impact it must have had on you, I simply want you to understand I meant no harm. I was not quite myself, and I sincerely hope you accept my apology.

Secondly, I am also sorry for shouting at you. The fear that I'd been able to keep at bay up until that point came swooping back and I tried to speak calmly and rationally but I believe it was too little too late. I should have kept my composure and had a rational conversation but instead I flew off the handle and I was out of order.

I've been rather on edge lately, as I believe you know, and I'm afraid I haven't had many conversations that haven't ended in shouting or hysterics in days. Again, it's not a justification, but I hope it provides some context for my behavior and lessens any negative impact on you.

Having said all that, I do stand by what I said yesterday. It is far too dangerous to risk violating that marriage promise.

I do not pretend to believe there is nothing between us, I think we both know there is something, and yet perhaps it's a good thing we didn't have more time to explore it. We could have had ages together before finding out that this promise had been enacted, and think how painful that would have been.

I think it's better this way, and neither of us will have to feel responsible for any more death and destruction than we already do.

I hope that you accept my apologies and that everything works out for you and Astoria.

Sincerely,

HG

—-

Hermione finished the 8th draft of her letter and held it out in order to give it the usual once over. She had been incredibly apologetic in this one. Perhaps too apologetic? But then it was an apology letter so shouldn't that be the case? Perhaps she had over-shared. He didn't really need to know about her fear regarding the manor, that would probably just make him feel guilty. Ugh! No matter how she wrote the apology, it had always seemed manipulative. Perhaps she was being manipulative, then?

Thus far, her entire Monday morning at her desk in The Department of Magical Law Enforcement had been eaten up by this task.

Why was this so difficult? She had never had trouble expressing apologies before. Any time she had bungled something up on a job or accidentally insulted a co-worker or whatever she'd done, she had always been excellent at communicating her thoughts and repairing the damage. So why now was she second guessing herself?