COFFEE [changlix] ✓

35

how the hell does one look that good with messy hair?

„well good morning to you too." greeted felix who was currently trying to get his shit together.

„i wonder why i slept so long." said changbin as he gazed at felix with narrowed eyes. felix let out a nervous laughter.

„i'm hungry." said changbin as he headed to the kitchen.

„go back to sleep and starve." and with that, a pillow quickly landed in felix' face who widened his eyes and looked up in surprisement. „where did you get that pillow from?" he raised his brows.

„it was in the kitchen."

„why the hell is there a pillow in my kitchen?"

„i don't know either." felix nodded curiously and changbin tried to find some food but failed. „we really need to buy more food." he stated. felix nodded in agreement. then they both stayed silent for a few seconds.

„there's still something i want to know." said changbin cautiously. felix knew exactly what came next.

and he wasn't ready at all.

„what?" he acted as if he didn't know what changbin meant.

„don't play stupid. you know exactly what i mean." commented changbin as his lips formed a small smile.

„apparently i don't." felix felt nervous and even though he won't admit it, he couldn't really manage to hide it.

„why were you crying last night?" changbin asked softly as he tilted his head. felix gulped.

„oh wow would you look at the time? i think my pet fish is drowning i have to-"

„you won't go anywhere unless you tell me what's wrong." felix flinched as changbin raised his voice.

„sorry. i just don't like seeing you sad. i prefer your smile." added changbin.

„i don't know how to explain it." admitted felix who lowered his head. he was shaking a bit and it really was the last thing he required right now.

„just say it. start wherever you want. it doesn't even have to make sense." changbin was so calm, felix wished he could relate.

„it's- oh fuck how to i say it. oh fuckity fuck shit fu-" he hesitated.

„it's okay." appeased changbin.

felix took a deep breath.

do it.
do it.
just do it.
please do it.
please don't.
do it.

„do you remember minho's party? well, after that you stayed at my place you know, you still do. i told you to sleep and then went to the rooftop to go stargazing because the sky looked pretty-" he took another deep breath.

changbin already knew what felix wanted to tell him. and he hated it. he hated that he kissed felix and with that he hated that he caused him so much pain.

„-and then you joined me and-" a tear ran down his cheek.

„-and then you kissed me. and the problem is that- that i liked it and that it made me realize that- i like you more than just as a friend." felix was trembling. he left changbin speechless. at least he had finally said it.

but instead of feeling relieved he felt fear.

„and you don't even remember a single damn thing." choked felix out as he looked at the floor.

he fucked up, destroyed their friendship and he couldn't change it anymore.

changbin's brain froze. everything froze for him. he didn't know how to feel. sad, disappointed, guilty.

guilty.

he felt pure guilt for the boy in front of him.

„i'm so sorry." he choked out as he fought back the tears.

„i'm so sorry that i lied to you." felix looked up as he eyed changbin with puffy eyes. „what exactly do you mean?"

„i do remember the kiss." felix looked at him in disbelief as another tear ran down his rosy cheek.

"that's a joke, right?"

changbin shook his head. he let the tears fall down since there was no point in holding them back anyway.

„should i be mad?"

„you can be mad at me for as long as you want-" uttered changbin, his voice raspy.

„-i would be too."

they were both crying at this point.

„and what the hell am i supposed to do now?" felix said it more to himself.

„i'm going out for a bit." said changbin as he put on his shoes and jacket. "do that." felix didn't even have the motivation to stop him.

after changbin was gone he exhaled the air and plopped on the couch. he was so tired from all the crying that he fell into a dreamless sleep.

while changbin was on his way to the nearest flower shop.

a/n
this is a mess
but i kinda like it
and i think it's finally happening i'm emo :(