Shattered

Just pretend

"whatever mama, do what you want, im going to bed" 

"no your not!" she grabbed me by the arm

"now i want you to stand right here and i demand you to tell me why cant you accept this."

"because i cant mom! i just cant. Look im happy that you wanna move in with him, for you i am, but i cant say the same thing for me or Eden." i walked off into the living room and  placed my hands over my face.

I could feel her presence still there

"Erykah sweet heart,  you know i love you to my soul deeply.  If this is about attention then I promise you I won't take any away from you.  I'm just finally happy and I feel as if there is still hope left for me. You and Eden are my biggest hearts and I would be so hurted If something happened to you two.  I just want bugger things with our family Erykah.  Please do this. ... For me" she cried

I looked her in the eyes as it filled with tears. I never saw my mom this emotional.  I guess she really loves patrick and telling her about his sick ways would destroy everything.

" Ok mama.... I'll try" I said

" Thank you baby,  I'm gonna go bathe your brother,  you clean up and get ready for school" she says and kisses my cheek and leave

I sighed and got to cleaning up

I didn't feel very much tired, I felt more fustrated and unhappy.  I couldn't tell anyone this secret or I could loose everything.

The next day at school I could barely keep myself from falling or collapsing on the school floor. I was battling my own fear. 

Many people tried to held conversations with me but I just couldn't stabilize myself to talk with them.

Greg didn't even speak to me. Throughout the whole day I was miserable and emotional.

Chyna dad gave me a lift home.  I noticed patrick was here and i swear to god I don't think I can maintain my composure.

I walked inside the house. In the living room, my mom and patrick were goofing around wrestling on the couch.  Boxes surrounded the living room

I cleared my throat.

They stopped and untangled there self from one another.

"Hey sweetie how was school? " she asked hugging Me

"It was quiet" I said to her ad I looked down

"Well that's not bad honey, but I tell you what I'm gonna go run to the store to pick up some more  nails, patrick is going to stay behind and help pack up the living room.  There's a couple of boxed in the hall way you can use go pack up your things"

"Mama please don't leave me here " I mumbled

"Honey we talked about this, it will only be a second."

"Can I atleast go with you?!?!" I said

She stopped and looked at patrick who was undoing the pictures off the wall

"I'll be fine baby,  I'll watch little Eden too" he smiles

"Ok Erykah come on" she grabbed her purse and heads our the door. I followed her to the car and left

We was only 5 minutes in the store and right back at home.

I got to doing alot of packing. I didn't feel comfortable moving in with patrick but my mom sacrificed alot with me and Eden I'm just going to have to sacrifice this Time for her. 

"Your mom is really happy to be moving in with me" patrick comes in

"Yeah I guess she is" I said not looking at him

"Earlier you coulda stayed with me and I woulda made you happy too" he says

"Your a sick person, my mom a don't serve a nigga like you " I said to him

"That's not what she said when I just got through stroking that ass, now she gon to sleep"  he says

I immediately got up and smack the fuck out of him.

Worse thing I did.

He grabbed me and body slammed me on the ground and immediately got on top of me

I tried to scream but he covered my mouth and started strangling me

"You got one more fucking time and Ima kill you , you here me???!!" He released 

I watched him walked out the room.

I laid there couching and crying

I don't think I'm going to live any longer with Him around.

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