I Want to Write You a Song

Choose Your Words Cause There's No Antidote

November 2

Stage 4 Glioblastoma. Cancer. Glioblastoma. Terminal. These poisonous words bounce around Harry's aching skull, threatening to make him puke.

They have the same effect on Louis, only he isn't so lucky. Harry winces as he watches his boyfriend retch the contents of his stomach out on the linoleum.

The doctor sighs and stands up, "I realize this is a lot to take in, especially at your age. I'm gonna go find a janitor and give you a minute to process the news," he starts towards the door, "when I come back we can talk about your options."

The other boys had gone home hours ago while Harry was still asleep, but Louis refused to leave. Right now Harry wishes he had. The defeated look on Louis face was killing Harry. He knows he needs to say something to lighten the mood. Anything.

"I'm going to be okay, Lou," Harry smiled weakly at his boyfriend. "There gonna fix me up."

Harry's words have the opposite effect of what he intended.

Louis' face flushes, and he lets out a strangled sob.

Seeing his Lou like this, tears threaten to fall from his own eyes. "I'm sorry, Lou. I'm so sorry. What did I say wrong?"

Before he can answer, Louis takes one last look into Harry's eyes. He takes in the sight for one last time. The sight of the pure innocent light that they reflect. Louis breathes in a shaky breath, and mentally prepares himself for the damage he's about to do.

"No, Honey. You have brain cancer," Louis' voice cracks on the last word. "They can't just fix you up. But I wish they could."

Despite his best efforts to stay composed, Louis was full on sobbing now.

Harry feels hot tears run down his own cheeks now. "Lou, your scaring me," his voice was barely a whisper, "Why can't they fix me? They have lots of equipment. And I have health insurance."

A fresh wave of sobs overtake Louis, his whole body shaking at his younger boyfriend's words. Harry is just so naive and pure. He's too gentle for this cold harsh world, full of cold harsh doctors who can give you devastating news without any remorse. Louis knows it isn't the doctors fault, but he isn't thinking rationally right now.

"Shhh..." Harry reaches out for Lou, pulling his face into his chest as he lays in the hospital bed. "Everything is gonna be okay. I love you okay?"

Louis was nearly hysterical at this point, his tears soaking through Harry's gown. "Nothing's okay. None of this is okay. You're dying."