Nothing To Give But Love (A Michael Jackson Story)

Chapter 45- Heartache

Chapter 45

A month has passed. Daylight dwindles away quicker than normal on a California day. The temperature has dropped to the fifties.

And I'm still feeling helpless.

I thought that day, the time I danced with Michael in the studio, that things would start to get better.

I can't say that they've improved or gotten worse.

Michael is always going out to the studio for hours at a time, and when he comes back he's in his office. I only see him in the night when we go to sleep, and in the morning before he goes back to the studio.

Janet and I have gotten closer. We always spend time together at the same cafe, at the same table, with my same order, that darned Espresso.

In fact, we're there now. I'm bundled in a parka and a light sweater underneath. I drink slowly, not wanting to upset my stomach like these few mornings.

I look up at the cloudless sky as Janet's talking about her new music.

"Well since you're obviously thinking about something way more important that what I'm talking about, share Lonnie," She says.

I look back at her. "What?"

"You weren't listening to me."

"Oh," I look at her apologetically. "I'm sorry."

She shrugs. "It's fine. Now, what are you thinking about? Oh wait, Michael."

I sigh. "Exactly."

She shakes her head. "I don't like when you look all sad."

"I don't like it either." I glance at the watch on my wrist. "Do you think he's back at Neverland? Its been about four hours since he left."

"Maybe," Janet answers, as a gust of wind blows. I shiver.

"Let's leave. Its getting too cold here."

The thing is, I have something to tell Michael. I haven't even told Janet yet, because I feel like he should be the first to know what's going on.

"Back to Neverland?" She asks.

"Yeah, if that's okay with you."

"It's alright Lonnie." She smiled as we walk back to the car, with my Espresso in hand.

Along the way, I have a faulty feeling, like something terrible is about to happen.

I ignore the sense as we roll through the gates and park at the main house.

"How have you and Michael been?" Janet questions as we walk through the door.

I honestly don't know the question to that. How are we? There is no communication between us anymore, not an adequate amount that should be held between a loving couple. So, I don't know, and I told her.

"This is just so out of character for him. He's never acted like this, not that I know of. He's always so sweet, and if he trusts or likes a girl, he will stick to her. To you."

Her words seem empty to me. I sit on the island stool after grabbing a bag of potato chips from the pantry.

"It's not like he's not sweet. But, I can't see that if there's a possibility he may be saying the same things to someone else."

"Tatiana." Janet says.

"Yes. And I know that she was the one who was running out of the studio that day. Michael made her cry."

"We don't know if that was Michael's fault." She vindicates.

"But why would she be crying? Michael was the only one who was in that room with her. I saw where she ran from. And I tried asking him about it, but he completely ignored me! He took me to the dance studio room and told me to dance with him."

"Well, did you?"

I nod my head, almost ashamed. "I don't even know why. I just can't push him away Janet. Even if I could, I wouldn't."

She looks at me as though she understands. "You are really in love."

"But he's not. Anymore."

"You don't know that, Lon. What if--"

"Not to sound like a negative Nancy or anything, but really? He's not. I don't even want to think about it. I always feel so upset."

I push my hair up using my hands, and rest my elbows on the island. We don't converse for a while.

"Do you want anything?" I inquire. She shakes her head no and sits next to me.

"No, thanks, I'm okay."

"Okay. Start talking about something that will keep my mind off of him."

We talk for a long time, about everything. She tells me how it was growing up famous, the youngest of the family. Janet always wanted to prove herself. I tell her about my childhood, how I moved to the US when I was just months old.

"I would always get teased in grade school for 'jumping the border'," I slightly laugh, though at the time the ridicule wasn't pleasant.

The chatting helps. We're now putting in a movie called Coming To America, starring Eddie Murphy.

"It came out a few months ago," Janet explains, putting in the DVR. "And John Landis directed it, he also directed Michael's-- oh, I'm sorry." She stops herself before going further.

I tell her that its fine and then the movie starts. Halfway through, the front door opens. I get up and go over to the foyer.

"She and Alondra go out to that cafe a lot, so I don't think anyone's home," I hear Michael say.

They walk through the door. They. I stop in my tracks when I see Michael lead Tatiana inside the house. He also pauses when he sees me.

"Oh! Alondra..."

"I knew it," I say through clenched teeth, seething inward and outwardly.

He glances from me to Tatiana, to Janet who has just entered the room.

"You're with her, aren't you?!"

"Baby, sweetheart--" He starts but I hold up a hand.

"Just save it Michael. I don't care, I don't want to know. Have fun with her." I state flatly.

"You're not even going to give me a chance to explain?"

"No. I've had it. I'm over it, I'm done."

And I am. I'm tired of everything that's going on. Its literally sucking the life and energy out of me and I've only spent two decades on this earth. It feels like a long drag. This is not how I want to live my life.

Tatiana shifts uncomfortably from foot to foot. I step up to her. "Go ahead. Have him. I don't want him anymore." Lies.

I look to Janet, keeping the tears from my eyes. "Please, get me away from here."

"But don't you think you should listen to him? At least hear what he has to say." Janet advices.

"No."

She sighs and makes her way to the door. Michael and Tatiana move out of my way but then Michael says, "Wait!"

I turn around slowly to face him.

"Are you really leaving me?" His brown eyes are glassy with tears. In any other circumstance, I would pull him to me and embrace him, not wanting to let go. But not now.

With my hand on the doorknob, I say with my voice cracking, "Would you stay?"

I then exit into the October afternoon air, Janet comforting me all while walking toward the car.

As I close my eyes and sob quietly in the car, I realize that I never got to tell Michael what I've been waiting to tell him. The most important news.

I'm pregnant.

--

Chapter 45

I updated for all of you babes! What do you think will happen next? Was that a shock to some of you? Let me just say that it's about to get really good!

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~Joy ✌️