Counterpoint

Chapter 84

   "That isn't my intention." He gently turns a page for Martha as she struggles to separate two pages that have clung together thanks to the humidity. "I'm just trying to adapt to how everything has changed. I can't just ignore it and hope that it will all go away." 

   "No one is asking you to ignore it. I am asking you to at least try and act like you're living." 

   "Pull over." He grumbles, shifting Martha off of his lap and back into her booster.

   "What are you doing?" I snap as he extends an arm into the front of the vehicle. "You are going to cause a car accident."

   "Just pull over!" He reaches a hand for the wheel as I promptly pull the car over onto the side of the road, beating his hand away lightly masking the true extent of my irritation. My skin is tingling as my blood pressure begins to steadily rise.

   "Great, now we are sitting on the side of the road. Not moving...in the woods. This is like the beginning of every horror movie I have ever seen." 

   "Just shut up." 

   "What are you hoping to accomplish by making us late to your sister's wedding?" I wonder aloud. "It's not like the last three years will suddenly return to you and everything will have been different."

   "You don't get it and never will."

   "Enlighten me, but make it quick. We can't sit here in the woods all day."

   "How do you not see that this is a lot for me? You and I were fighting when you showed up  here, uninvited, and then I found out that I had a secret daughter all this time and have to figure out how to be a dad to a three year old." He rambles. " I know that your life hasn't exactly been simple or easy, but even you have to admit that this is overwhelming."

   "You're right, it's overwhelming."

   "Thank you." He replies cautiously, hesitant to accept his victory after such a quick concession. His eyes are hooded as he leans on the center console, his body practically draped across it. Exhaustion seems to bleed from his every pore and it takes everything I have not to reach out and hold him. "I don't think you have ever agreed with me that quickly before."

   "I know this has been overwhelming. I know this has all been hard on you. Regardless of its difficulties this is the situation. This is where we are. There isn't much that can be done about it now."

   "But why do I have to face it all on my own?" He raises in challenge. 

   "You don't have to! I have wanted to help you ever since I got here but you have shut everyone who loves you out and pushed us away." I bring his hand to my lips and place a tentative kiss. "Forgive me for not fighting harder to reach you."

   "Why didn't you tell me about Eliza?" He murmurs. "Why did you push me away? I didn't deserve that."

   "You didn't."

   "Then why did you do this to me?"

   "Thomas," I whisper. "There are young ears, perhaps this is not the best time."

   "Please, Alex, I need to know." His fingers wrap around my hand, clinging with fading strength as he struggles to convince me of his resolve. The exhausted and hurt expression on his face strikes me almost as deeply as the sadness and pain in his eyes. The fragile sincerity of his gaze pulled the truth from my soul with the sweetest agony known only to lovers.

   "I have had to fight my whole life, Thomas. This was simply one more battle in the war of my existence. You are my peace, Thomas. Nothing has every felt as right as when I am with you, but I fear that you cannot understand the bigger pictures that are illustrated in my head." He stares at me with hooded eyes as I fumble over my words. "I was afraid of what you would say, of what you would think of me for considering such a proposition. You are the only person I have ever met that is capable of inspiring both fear and passion within me. My fear overwhelmed me in this particular circumstance." 

   "We are supposed to be partners Alexander. You and I, no one else." His forehead rests against mine as my eyes flutter shut. "I don't care the circumstance, you should always be able to rely on me or trust me to be there beside you. My heart is yours," he whispers. "My thoughts will never stray far from your good opinion no matter what you do. You simply have to trust in the truth of my feelings for you and the actions it inspires."

   Warmth encompasses my heart as our breath mingles and mixes. All words fail to describe the gentle power of these emotions washing over me. My eyes remain closed as I allow myself to reside within this warmth and loving moment. We are both far from completely forgiving one another for the damage we have inflicted upon one another, but we are both capable of acknowledging that we are not willing to live separated from one another. He needs me just as much as I need him. We will just have to continue to work towards finding the perfect balance for our relationship, supporting both our affections and ambitions.

   "Alex, we need to get going." He breaks me free of my thoughts and I find myself to be rather dazed by my sudden reappearance in reality. "We shouldn't be late to the ceremony." He retreats back to his seat as I take a steadying breath, nodding in affirmation as I place both my hands firmly back on the wheel. I can feel the gentle warmth of his eyes resting on the back of my neck as I shift the car back onto the road and we are once more on our way.