The Beautiful Outsider

The First Day

"I am not telling you."  Dad's being secretive. He knows I'll ask for more money now that I know about the promotion. But really they should give me more, I need to keep up with my schoolmates, 30 bucks a day won't  give me any help. Furthermore, the food at the canteen is way too expensive. It's like triple the price from a regular school canteen. The school should acknowledge that not everyone at school is rich. Anyway, I still understand my dad's principles.  

" Don't worry dad, I won't overspend. This will be the last one." I cheered him up. He turned to me and smiled.

 We are now driving in Upper East Side of New York. I can see a lot of rich people walking the streets. They all look so fashionable and gorgeous. They look like Gods and Goddesses of beauty. A city filled with A lists people.

We are approaching Madison Avenue, just where my school is located. I can now see the building from a far. A lot of memories came back from last year. Painful. Shameful. Regretful. Later, when I walk to  the halls, everything will change. 

We drove through its tall wrought iron gates. It was designed with curvy swirls in the middle and it had sharp arrows on top. My dad dropped me in front of the arched mahogany double doors of the school so I won't have to walk from the parking lot.

I stepped out of the car and walked with my back straight and chin up like a boss. I tried to walk like a runway model. Swaying my body graceful and moving my hips on every steps. I am telling you guys, this is an exercise! 

I can see it now. I can see their faces. Their smiles. The pure jealousy on every girls' eyes. All the guys can't take their eyes off of me. I feel accepted, loved, idolized...This year will be so different. It will be amazing. Everything will turn the way I want to.

"Looking good!" A guy just winked at me. 

I clipped my hair at the back of my ears " Thhhaaannkss..." I said stuttering.

" Homeless Loser no more, ei?"  A girl just passed buy whispered in my ear. 

I feel AWESOME baby! Everything that I was dreaming of is finally coming true. I can finally go to school without getting nervous about the prank that some stranger might pull off in my locker or on my chair or on my back while walking the hallways. I won't have to deal with the bullies repeatingly calling me by my Alias "Homeless Loser". I won't have to get scared to go the washroom and might get locked for the whole day. I can be free from the horrible experience last year that is still haunting me, and create wonderful memories with my new friends because people would actually want to talk to me.  I will be able survive this year without a single sweat at all. I am so happy. This is probably the happiest day of my life.

But in just one snap.

"Woooohhh!!" I shrieked. I was focusing too much on the attention that I forgot to watch my steps-I am wearing high heels and I don't usually do- and got out of balance and fell off the ground. Shit! It's probably these shoes, it's been killing my feet. Damn! Why now?! I looked at the crowd and I saw their faces slowly placing a grin. But I ignored it. Grace under pressure, I know the rule. They'll get even more impress if I act like nothing happened.

But as soon as I got up, I heard a ripping sound. Oh God, it sliced the back of my dress. OH NO! NO! NO!  Why does the world not want me to be happy?! For just once in my miserable life?! I heard a laugh and it grew stronger and stronger and stronger. I looked up and I saw them bursting in laughter, pointing their fingers at me like I'm a clown in a circus.

"Way to go Ana! You think you can be like us. You are nothing like us. Get over yourself!" Mary Anne, the queen bee, said.

"Don't worry Darling, I can call my mom to sew it for you?" Allison sarcastically joked.

"Ripper Girl! Ripper Girl! Ripper Girl" They all shouted my new name over and over again. They are all clapping and thumping their feet like they were cheering for me. 

I feel aweful. Humiliated. I felt all pain from last year and right now all coming together in this horrifying moment. The overwhelming feeling I cannot longer take. I stood up and ran as fast as I can. I can feel the tears flowing under my cheeks. I cried the whole way out of the campus. I didn't bother to look back. I just need to get out of there. Out from that terrible school that's been torturing me since I set foot on its floors.

I paused for a minute to gasped some air and when I had the strength, I screamed my lungs out. " I have never done anything wrong to anyone. It is not my freakin' fault if my family is not as rich. If I don't live in an mansion. If I have a different clothing style. And if I don't own expensive stuff. Why do I have to get through this? I don't deserve this!!!" I knelt down on my knees crying and sobbing. This is probably the worst cry in my life. Maybe because I actually thought things would be different. I hold on to a single hope that everything will go on perfectly. Last year, I didn't have that, I just allowed them to torture me and I felt numb for awhile.

Then I felt the urge. It's not the school I need to get out of. It's this aweful life. It's me. It's my miserable existence. I don't understand why I'm still here? What's my sole purpose in this world? To get picked on? To be the entertainment in school? To get pranked by everyone? I am not going to live like this. I can't keep living like this! If this is my life then I don't want it!

I ran towards the bridge that connects to the Ravenwood park. Then I thought this would be the perfect spot. I climbed on the railing and leveled my arms to my shoulders. I closed my eyes and took my final breath.  Finally letting my body drop when...

"What the fuck are you doing?"  I heard a deep husky voice.