Hi Suicide

Part 1

I found this video and thought it fit well

I've been feeling suicidal since I was about 8 years old. It's never gone away. Homeschooling caused a lot of dark Suicidal Thoughts. I was homeschooled for five years. The thoughts never left they just sat in the back of my mind saying hey we're still here we still exist or not going to leave you. Then after 7th grade I went to a school called Sussex private school for 8th grade. The kids were shit. They were never going to accept me the way I wanted to be accepted. Since the first day I walked home sat on the bus however I got home just thinking. Hey you know what. You're in so much pain you should just leave. You shouldn't be here anymore. You should just leave the Earth just go die all your pain will leave your life will be easier. I quit Sussex and the thoughts didn't leave but they calmed down. And I've been home for the past week and a half. Thoughts are still there. The thoughts say oh your awake shit hey you're still alive you're still breathing. You know you still have to fix that problem. You still have to actually commit suicide to stop breathing you know that right? But then I think Mom Dad Keegan the rest of the family will be sad you're gone. But why should I care it's my life I'm making better. People will call it selfish and attention-seeking but I call it a pain reliever. A permanent pain reliever. Hey Mom and Dad won't have to tell me to shut up or stop talking. Keegan will be doing better mentally cuz I'm not here. So tell me why should I continue living.  With a brain that's telling me go kill yourself. It'll make you feel better. You won't have to deal with the pain the suffering and anxiety the depression it'll all go away so do it save yourself. You can call it attention seeking selfishness. Call it whatever the fuck you want. I just see a light at the end of the tunnel that's closer than ever. Tell me why I shouldn't go for it. Tell me why I shouldn't save myself.