Give Me Love (Muke)

Did I Say That I Need You?

“But he was upset. And it’s Luke, who knows what’s going on in his head right now?” Ashton argues. “He does weird things when he’s upset. He chewed his fingernails until they bled when he forgot his science project and the teacher called him irresponsible.”

“He’s eighteen now,” Calum insists. “He just needs some time alone. We treat him like a baby.”

“Because he’s fragile.”

“Only because we treat him that way.”

While Calum and Ashton argue halfheartedly, Michael digs his phone out of his pocket, running a tense hand through his hair.

He half expects to see missed calls from his mother, but he just finds a reminder from his aunt that his flight leaves tonight. Which means Michael needs to figure out where the fuck Luke is, get him home, and then leave.

Michael wants to gut himself as he texts Luke, I’m sorry about everything and I need to talk to you.

“And maybe if we just let him work his problems out instead of trying to save him all the time, he would be able to handle himself,” Calum’s saying.

“He’s eighteen, not thirty, he’s still a kid.”

“We’re all still kids, and we all still have bad days, but you don’t see me treating you like a little kid when you’re upset.”

“Because I don’t act like one.”

“Luke deals with it the way he knows how. We have to let him do that. He’s not going to change. People don’t just change like that.”

Michael’s phone buzzes.

Find me in the park off 2nd street.

Michael’s heart speeds up. He’s going to ignore his hangover for the moment. Luke’s probably more important. He’s not as important to Luke. There’s no good explanation for Luke’s absence than it being Michael’s fault. And right now, he’s having a hard time dealing with everything coming down on him.

Michael shoves his phone back into his pocket and walks toward the door. Ashton leans his head out, trying to see where Michael’s going. “Hey, where are you going?”

“Luke,” he says. He frowns. His shoes aren’t by the door. He wore them last night. They were at the end of his bed. Luke must have taken them off for him. Michael was definitely too drunk to have undone them.

He rushes down the hall to get them. Calum calls after him, “He texted you?”

“Where is he?” Ashton adds.

Michael doesn’t respond. He sits on the edge of his bed and pulls on his shoes, and then hurries back down the hall and to the front door. He knows Ashton and Calum are getting to their feet and trying to ask him more questions, but he slams the door behind him and races down the street. He must know where the park is, he passes it all the time going to and from places. Why is Luke at a park?

For once in his life, it’s not raining, but the clouds are coming in thick, like they want to rain, but don’t know how. Michael’s head is all messed up. He doesn’t know how he’s going to talk to Luke without sounding like a wreck.

What is he supposed to say? He won’t use his mother as an excuse. Michael has a lot of faults, but he refuses to fall back on that. Michael doesn’t have an excuse at all. He was drunk, yeah, but if he’d been able to deal with his mother’s death like anybody else, it shouldn’t have happened.

Maybe it didn’t happen.

If he says it didn’t happen, then maybe it never happened.

He picks his way through the park, the grass and play structures mostly deserted. He gets a couple wayward glances, but his focus is on Luke. He needs to find Luke. For his heart and for his head.