~Dear Diary~ Lams AU

P4

I went to flip the next page when Laf called. The words "FightingFrenchFuck" shone on my screen.

I debated wether or not I should answer. I sighed and grabbed it, I owed them this much.

"Hello?" I asked, using Taffy as a pillow.

"John. Thank the gods you're still alive. We've been calling for weeks."

"I know." I said dryly. I wanted to end this conversation. I wanted to read the next chapter in Alex's journal.

"How are you doing?"

I felt a bit of anger boil inside me. How was I doing? My boyfriend just died how do you think I'm doing?

"Great." I lied. "I'm doing great."

"That's good. Have you cleared out Alexander's belongings yet?"

I let my eyes scan over the room that was filled with Alex's things.

"Uh.. no actually.."

"Do you want us to come over and help with that-"

"Actually, Laf, I think I can do it by myself." I snapped. "I'm kinda busy at the moment so if you could call back tomorrow or something that'd be great."

"I-"

"Thanks. Buh-bye now." I hung up and placed the phone on the bed. I was a little harsh but I think I had every right to be. This was Alex's stuff. Things he obsessed over and loved. I think I'll decide what I want to do with it.

I looked at the picture frame that hung above the queen sized bed. It was a picture of Alex's and ours first date. He had taken me to the carnival. That was fun.

At first I didn't even know it was a date until he and I got on the Ferris wheel. We just happened to stop at the top. That's when he told me how he felt. I remember everything. How I felt. How the air smelled. How the new spring flowers were just starting to bloom. How soft his lips were.. how his hair blew around in the breeze..

Everything felt perfect. Like a fairy tale. I remember never wanting it to end. But alas, everything ends at some point.

Sadly.. Alex's ended to soon.

1/4/16

Happy new year. John and I went out to a party. That was fun I guess. Okay so I'm just going to straight up vent, if your reading this future me just skip ahead. This is all depressing ass bullshit: I am pretty sure John has stopped loving me. He's never home and when he is we barely talk. Every day I am worried he'll walk through the door and say that it's over. I want to ask him why. What happened, why he doesn't talk to me anymore but then I'll sound crazy and jealous. I love John more then anything so why is he becoming so distant? Did I do something wrong? Probably.. I always fuck things up.. he probably wants me to leave. He probably doesn't care anymore. He's probably with Jefferson now or something. I don't know. Maybe I'm just over thinking things like always. That doesn't change the fact I should leave though. He probably doesn't want to see my ugly face any more. I wish he'd tell me where I went wrong.. I love him so much. I hope I can fix whatever I did..

-Alex

I think I'm finding where things went wrong..