Too Sweet To Last

Reliving Those Awful Years

“Carly, I don’t know what to do. Jason probably thinks I’m hiding everything from him and Alicia and Cassie are probably right. I’m dumb,” I complain to Carly on the other end of the phone. After the horrible incident I didn’t want to sit around feeling sorry for myself…alone.

“No, you’re fine. You have me, your sorority sisters, and some other friends on your floor, and you and Jason will work things out,” Carly responds. I feel bad that whenever something bad happens to me it gets dumped on Carly as well.

Sydney strolls into our room right after Carly tells me this, and the last thing I wanted was her overhearing something she shouldn’t know.

“Thanks, you’re probably right. I better go, but call me tonight,” I say, hanging up quickly.

“Hey Syd,” I chirp, making an effort and giving her a chance to talk to me.

“Mhm,” is all she can muster up to say as she takes a seat in front of our TV. It seems like that’s all she’s interested in doing these days.

“Aren’t you pleasant,” I mutter as I grab my bag and walk out of my room. I actually ended up walking out of my building, onto the sidewalk, leading my way off campus.

Forty five minutes into my spur-of-the-moment walk, I come across an empty park. I take a seat on the bench and bury my face in my hands, exasperated. I dig out my sleeping pills and stare blankly at the bottle containing them.

“Stupid Ambien,” I sigh, shoving the container back in my bag. That’s when I burst into tears, right there on the park bench. I wish I wasn’t so messed up that I needed drugs to fall asleep. I wish that when I wake up in the morning, I wouldn’t feel like my body got hit by a truck. I wish I wouldn’t feel lightheaded anymore and I want the uncontrollable shaking in my body to stop. I hate dealing with Ambien’s crappy side effects. I hate the fact that Sydney hates me, but is still friends with Carly and everyone else back home.

I force myself to wipe the tears away and stand up, putting an end to my pity party with myself. It’s time to confront Sydney and find out what her problem is.

Walking back into my building knowing I was about to ask Sydney what was going on, my stomach flipped. But walking into our room, I knew what I had to do.

“Whatever happened to you?” was the first thing I said. It might not have been the most powerful thing to say, but it was the way I felt.

“What do you mean?” she responds without looking away from the TV.

“Sydney, you were my best friend. We would get each other in trouble in school by making each other laugh; we could talk for hours without running out of things to say. The adventures we had together were things that I can’t imagine doing with any other friend. I’ve given you this entire year to convert back to the old you. But I’m done now. You haven’t been a good friend for months, and if I’m waiting around for you magically become who you once were, I’m giving you way too much credit.”

“I haven’t changed, I’ve moved on. College isn’t high school, Leah, we don’t need to stay planted in the same place we were in the past four years,” was all Sydney told me, still without looking away from the TV.

“I just don’t get how you could throw me right out of your world after everything that we’ve been through,” I said as I calmly walked out of our room without giving her a chance to respond. I didn’t want to hear about how easy it was for her.

Now that I’ve confronted Sydney, there was someone else I kinda had to talk to. It was close to midnight but I didn’t care. This had to happen now, or I would be taking triple dose of pills to completely knock myself out.