Pause (Published)

Chapter 25: What I Need

So of course I'd choose to prank call Blubber or Benley, but I kind of feel bad for locking Benley up the last time I saw him when building Oog's tree house. Plus, I'm pretty sure it's past Blubber's bedtime. Fat kid. That leaves me with the next best thing, Max Mills, one of my very own personal favourites.

I don't hesitate to hit the call button, waiting way too eagerly to drive him mad. What can I say? Perks of being me. It can't be helped. His phone rings a couple of times until he finally answers in a groggy tone, "What do you want Aqueela?" he snaps rather rudely and harshly, making me think that I woke him up from his sleep.

Checking the time from the clock on the wall, I become well informed that it's eleven pm. Of course most people are sleeping by now considering that it's school tomorrow. "Just felt like talking." I answer honestly, needing a distraction from my life and as sad as it is, Max is the only one besides from Jay that I can actually talk to, never mind relate to.

There's a brief silence from the other side of the phone before he replies, "Now's not really a good time Aqueela." he answers quietly as if keeping something from me.

On any other day I'd ask why and interrogate him until I get an answer. But tonight I don't particularly feel like myself so I don't bother. "Oh...okay then." I reply, disappointed. You know it's bad when even Max Mills is too busy for you.

I'm about to hang up, but obviously Max senses something distressful in my tone, "Okay I give, what's up?" he says tiredly, so tiredly that even I feel bad for waking him up and as you all know, I'm not exactly an angel.

"Forget it Max, it's cool. We'll talk another time." I reply, wanting to allow him some sleep. If anything he sounds like he could use it. Maybe he's going through a rough time too. You never know.

"You sure?" he asks hesitantly.

"Yeah. Don't worry about it. It was silly anyways to call you at this hour." I say quickly, hoping he'd buy it. But of course he would. I mean, I'm Aqueela Lawson, the crazy weird girl who can never be serious or sad. No, that's impossible. I always have to be the happy go lucky, laid back one, even when I feel like the walls to my life are slowly yet surely crumbling and there's absolutely nothing that can fix any of it. It's not just my mother or Troy or Bells, it's everything. I don't really have any family and I'm beginning to wonder if my father even remembers my existence. Surely he'd heard of the arrest by now. I don't know...I guess I was just expecting a phone call or something. Just a sign to show that he still cares a little. Fathers are suppose to check in on their daughters, especially when they have no where else to go or no one else to turn to. His rejection stings, more than I'd like to admit.

"Aqueela this sounds serious." he whispers, trying to keep his voice down, making me question whether he is alone or not. "Maybe we should talk now."

I shake my head, forgetting he can't see me, "No no." I insist gently, "It's all good, night." I say quickly, hanging up on him before he can persist. I switch my phone off before he can call back and knowing Max, he will.

Instead I decide better of it all and head to bed, seeking sleep. Yet as I toss and turn in the guestroom sleep lacks and I'm too blame. Maybe everything is only hitting me now or maybe I'm suffering from insomnia, either way there's no sleeping for me tonight.

I sit up in the bed and switch on the bedside lamp as the room is lit up dimly. I contemplate on waking up Jay, but even I don't have the heart to wake Jay up. First off, he's dam scary when trying to sleep and second, I don't really know what's going on with me, so how do I explain it to someone? I feel like I'm losing sight of who I am. The only one who understood that was Mason, but there's not a chance in hell that I'd call him. It will open too much of what I've buried of him. Remembering what he'd said to me is too much. The timing is all wrong.