Pause (Published)

Chapter 25: What I Need

"Whoo!" I jump up in victory, fist bumping the air until Jay bursts my bubble by saying, "Only temporarily Aqueela!"

That's what he thinks...

                                     *   *   *   * 

 "Hey Jay?" I ask into the empty lounge.

"What?" he huffs, flopping down onto his newly spray painted couches, exhausted as he and I...or just he...cleaned up his house after Troy, Oog and I trashed it.

"I think we should get a dog." I state randomly, feeling bored out of my mind and extremely depressed. Troy's left and my mother has been arrested. I don't even have Bells anymore. Could things possibly get any worse?

I glance Jay's way to see his reaction. He raises a furious eyebrow at me, "You've been living with me for..." he trails off and checks his watch, "Approximately two hours and you already implementing decisions and getting too comfortable. A dog? What part of 'temporarily' did you not get?"

"Um..." I tap my chin in mock thought, "The 'tempo' part." I answer his rhetorical question just to piss him off a little. "Oooh and the 'rarily' part." I add slyly.

Jay suddenly sits up as if something I said caught his attention, "You know what Aqueela, I hate to admit this, but I'm worried about you."

Now it's my turn to be surprised as I raise both eyebrows in question of what he meant, "Why?"

"Because you've just lot of people and you're not talking about it. Either you're in denial or you just don't care." Jay explains, causing me to fall silent at his words, "I mean your mother, or the woman that's claimed to be your mother for years, just got arrested. You moved out. Troy left the country a couple hours ago and your best friend, the one you claimed was your sister, wants nothing to do with you. How are you keeping up with this cool charade? You should know that you don't have to pretend around me."

I frown at his words, aware that it's nothing but the truth, "I'd rather not discuss my personal affairs with you Mr Jay Taylor." I tease, an attempt to change the subject.

"Stop that!" he snaps, venomous, but his tone hinged with a tint of genuine sincerity. 

"Stop what?" I ask innocently, batting my eyelashes as if I didn't know at all what he was implying his words to.

"Stop acting like you're fine." he clarifies.

"But I am fine!" I whine, insisting him of the fact. He simply gives me a dead panned stare, one that actually manages to convince me to cave because today he's not buying all my crap. "What do you want me to say Jay? Of course I'm hurting right now. I'm so lost and confused. I don't even know where my future is taking me anymore. You're the only one I have to turn to."

"That's better." he whispers. "I know I don't always act like I care about your well being, but I do. I know you don't want to talk about it and believe me I get that. If anyone understands, I do. But let's say you need someone if you change your mind, you know where to find me." Jay smiles softly in my direction before getting up and retiring to his room for the evening.

He leaves me alone, feeling less down as butterflies fill my insides at his words. Sure, he's nothing short of being insensitive, but at least back there he tried. He made the effort to let me know that even if I had no one, I'd always have him. And I'm glad, more glad than he'll ever know.

Feeling overwhelmed by the day's chaotic events, I whip out my cell and begin strolling through my few contacts, wondering who might be available to annoy. I skip past Grey's name, well aware that he'd most likely kill me if I dared prank call him again, especially after he and I quote called me 'goddamn crazy'. Meh, there's no point in arguing against that. No doubt I'd lose that and plea the 'insanity' claim.