Songweaver's Awakening

Chapter 28 - Anestan

Anestan strode purposefully into the bedroom.  The room that had once served as a haven for her and Farahd now held two healers, Nehara, and another maidservant.  One healer, the assistant, stood by the window, grinding herbs with a mortar and pestle.  The other, Ganij, her husband's choice, was at Farahd's bedside, a hand to his forehead.  Nehara and the other maidservant crouched at the foot of the bed, sorting through Farahd's soiled clothes with quiet efficiency.

Ganij looked up as she entered, his youthful face frustrated.  “It's no use, Raja.  He's been like this for the past few days.  Every once in a while he wakes, and asks for his tea, but for the rest he just sleeps and he sweats and he trembles.  He said he was in pain, so I gave him something to make him drowsy.”

Anestan's limbs stiffened.  “Get out.  Now.  All of you.”  They all looked surprised, but her word was as good as law now, so each stopped what they were doing and moved toward the door.  None dared glance at her except Ganij, but even he looked curious rather than reproachful.

She waited until the last maidservant closed the door behind her before moving at all.  She let out her breath.  Oh Anshana, I don't know if you've been kind or cruel to me.  Farahd was sleeping on the bed, his chest rising and falling in regular intervals.  She found herself drifting closer, until she stood at the edge, looking down on him.  I may be carrying your child, and I am killing you just a little bit each day.

She hadn't given him the poison for the past few days.  Anestan rationalized it in her mind—since he'd named her heir, she no longer needed it.  But she also knew now that whatever Helen had placed inside that bottle was killing him, ever so slowly, and was more addictive than emisien.  If she kept giving it to him, he would die, and she would be First Seat.

It was what she wanted, wasn't it?  It was what she had worked for all her life.  But now she wanted more.  She reached a hand out and took Farahd's hand in her own.  I want to help you but I don't know how.  Will you still care for me if I bear you an heir?  Ah, but she'd seen the way he looked at her.  She'd done as she'd set out to do.  He loved her.  And what about the way she felt?  He confused her when she was around him, muddling her thoughts so that she was no longer sure she was doing the right thing.

She'd been careless, the last time they'd made love, and hadn't taken the proper herbs beforehand.  She hadn't planned the session, she'd only wanted comfort and warmth.  Had she actually wanted this?  She could feel the changes in her body, feel the life growing in her belly.  It frightened her beyond words.

I have to kill Farahd, if not for my sake, then for my child's.  How could I raise a child in a world like this?  Farahd will never compromise his ideals.  He would tear our country apart in order to remake it.  Anestan looked to the dresser where the poison lay.  She could give him one last dose, one fatal dose.  Helen had never laid that out in her instructions, but Anestan felt sure it would end Farahd's life.  And then there was the matter of Helen.  She was a patient predator, one who desired the First Seat above all else.  She would never settle for Second.  What could she possibly have planned?

“Anestan.”

Anestan nearly jumped out of her skin.  Her heart calmed as she looked at Farahd.  He was asleep, mouthing words into the empty air.  Despite his hollow appearance, he looked at peace in sleep, his lips curving into a faint smile.  Hesitantly, Anestan reached a hand out to his.  His palm felt warm within her own, the calluses forming a pattern she'd come to know well.  For the first time in months, calm spread throughout her body.  Her worries about the world Farahd was creating faded away.  What would she have if Farahd died except her ambition and a Seat?  They were both cold, hard masters.  She'd wanted the First Seat for so long she'd forgotten why she still wanted it.  She still felt the desire in her veins, but it paled in comparison to a greater desire.  She wanted Farahd well and whole.