The Complete Truth

My relationship with food

Or lack there of. I don't really like food, I gain weight way too fast. But I also happen to lose it pretty fast too. But of course, thats not enough. I purge. I starve myself. I don't do it as just a punishment, I do it because I'm a very lazy human and won't get up to excersize, and to be honest, I get better results when I starve, and quicker too. I haven't been happy with my body for as long as I can remember. But just a year and a half ago, when I meet my baby girl Makala, I started to starve. I love Makala and everything but she's just so skinny. I envy her so much. I want to be able to stand by her and not look like the 'fat' friend. Just tonight she turned 14. I spent her 13 and 14 birthday with her, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm almost a year older then her and that means I should weight more. I just hate the fact that I'll never be my definition of pretty. I always hurt Makala when I starve, I hurt her when I cut. I've promised her time and time again, 'Babe, don't worry, I'll try to stop cutting.' or 'Mk i'm fine, I'll eat tonight, I promise,'. Lying to her hurts but I don't want her to worry about me, anymore then she already does. I'm tired of hurting the one I love most. But I can't stop. I'm sorry Makala, you deserve better.