Boys and girls
Boys chase ideas, while men choose reality. That, I say, is what is “raw”. Not like when you bragged because she trusted you with her beautiful body.
I feel so easily provoked at times… I can't stand the thought that women can't be hoes, but guys can be so damn loose. Boys display their number on their belts, while girls hide it under their panties.
Sex is almost a burden to some women. To me I've never felt comfortable. How do I know if I am too easy? Am I enjoying this too much? Should I be enjoying this more? Should I tell him I came so he feels better? Do I look ok from behind? Is he taking advantage of me?
And that one stuck. The first time I ever was in a real man's grasp I couldn't help but wonder… Does he really care for me? Or does he just want to taste my sweet nectar on his wet lips? To this date I couldn't tell you his intentions. However, I loved the way he made me feel.
My generalization of boys is almost unfair. Some of the world's cruelest monsters are girls. Guys are usually more physical and that can leave you broken, while girls usually are more mental and that can leave you hollow… In the most deranged cases, there are both.
I am a bisexual woman. I love and want both kinds of shapes. I love and want both kinds of thoughts. I am versatile. Some call it unstable I call it opportunity. I have the ability to do anything anyone could ever imagine. However there is a cost.
My personal finance teacher warns me that any opportunity has an opportunity cost. He is relating to money, I argue this also relates to sanity. The less ignorant you are to the world the more vulnerable you are to the darkness in the world.
That is when I met her… my “savior”. She used her clawing ways to fill my mind with manipulating fantasy. I loved her… I thought. I don't love her anymore. She abused my body. That is, in every sense of the word, unforgivable. She dances around my friends as if she did nothing wrong. She did everything wrong. She hurt me by using my body as her toy. She convinced me of doing horrible things I never wanted to do. She made me leave people I was close to cuz she wanted me all to herself. How disgusting. I can't stand the thought that I let her control everything I had. When she couldn't use me anymore she left. I was free. Even though it hurt so damn much. I was free.
I didn't get any justice, but I am content. I barely think about her anymore, I thought that wouldn't happen. I thought I'd always stay up thinking about her hands filling my body, and how she used me. But it got better. To the abused boys, and the used girls, I am free. You will be free, and you will stop thinking about the abuse and how they hurt you. You will stop thinking about them. It does get better, and I promise at least try. If you can do anything, and you can. Try.
