Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 34

"You said there was pills." Faith says. "What do you mean- I mean it could be... I can today... Yes, I can- Yeah." She says. "Okay, thank you. Bye." She hangs up the phone and sighs. She looks at me again, still not saying anything. 

"Goddamnit Faith." I follow her through the house. She grabs her keys and bag, then tells the girls to grab their stuff and meet her in the car. The three of them all run down the stairs and right off to the car. I get in also. "Faith, say something." I say. She talks to the girls completely ignoring me. 

The girls get out of the car, all saying "I love you" first. 

"Love you too." Faith says. 

"Love you too..." I say under my breath. I wish they could hear me... They all walk into school together. 

"Okay, listen you asshole-" Faith starts. I smile at the sound of her speaking directly to me. "if you turn off the coffee pot, throw any more dishes, or anything that impairs my ability to work, I will tell the girls every little thing you've done. 'Kay?" She says. Looking over at me in the passenger seat.

"'Kay." I repeat. She begins to drive somewhere that isn't home. "Where we goin'?" I ask obnoxiously.

"Nowhere." She says, pulling into the hospital. She goes up to Kendricks office.

"Hey honey." He says, taking her jacket for her. "Okay, so she's running a tad late. She should be her any time now."

"Who?" I ask Faith. She ignores me again. I push a pad of paper off the inn table. "Who?" I repeat. She continues to ignore me. I look around for something else to throw. I find Kendricks mug full of pens. I push it so hard that it hits the wall by Faith. 

"This isn't looking like an hallucination to me." Kendricks says, fairly unemotional. Faith nods.

"Yep." Faith says as a lady walks in the room.

"Faith, this is Kelly." Kendricks introduces them. She's a old woman with red frizzy hair, who even looks insane. She shakes Faith's hand, then hugs Kendricks.

"And what is this kind sir's name?" She asks, looking directly at me. I struggle for words.

"Tim." I utter.

"Well Tim, nice to meet you." She says. I nod. Faith looks at Kendricks.

"I don't know what to tell you. If you were nuts, I could help you." He says. Faith sighs and puts her head in her hands.

"Were you trying to get rid of me?" I ask Faith. She looks at me with tired eyes.

"It sounds like she was, buddy." The crazy woman says. I look at her, realizing the good thing about everyone else being unable to hear me.. 

"Come on, Faith, you can tell me." I say.  

"Yeah, I was." She says. My chest hurts hearing her say it. I thought I could take knowing it. 

"I'm sorry..." I say. 

"Aww, he's sweet. Why would you want to send him away?" Kelly says. Faith looks like she's about to scream. 

"Because I haven't been very good to her lately." I explain. Kelly nods. 

"Well in that case..." She says, slipping Faith a thing of pills. I begin to panic as Faith looks for the label, as if she would really take these. 

"What are these?" Faith asks. 

"It shuts off the frequency that people who have passed use to communicate. When you started to pass, you had been open to that frequency, and it hasn't closed since you came back." Kelly explains. Faith nods. 

"So, do these stop it?" She asks. 

"Yeah. I mean for the first few weeks, it's temporary, but if you take it for more than a month, it becomes more and more permanent." Kelly answers. Kendricks takes the bottle and looks at it. 

"Oh." He says positively. "I mean, yeah. I guess that would work." He says. 

"Well, thank you." Faith says. We walk back to the car in silence. She drives without looking over at me at all. 

"You really want me gone..." I say. She takes a deep breath. 

"I can't move on with you here, Tim." She says. 

"Faith, please. I'm sorry... Just give me another chance." I plead. She stays silent for a moment. 

"I..." she starts. She looks over at me with sad eyes. 

"I understand." I say. "So I have a few things to ask you about before I'm officially gone, to you." 

"Ask away." She says. 

"What happened with your mom?" I ask right off the bat. "I always figured that the more I talk about my shitty childhood, the more you would talk about yours. But I have yet to hear a single word about your mother." I say. 

"She abused substances, and so much so that she couldn't afford to keep me anymore. She told me she went to Nashville to become like those luxurious country singers. I believed her till I came out here myself. Turns out, she came up here for better drugs and a guy. My foster mom always said I was dumb for believing her, and that I was no better. Some people think she actually was coming up here to sing, but that dream didn't last long." She says. 

"How did you find all of this out?" I ask. 

"My foster dad and from talking with her." She says. 

"You met her?" 

"Yeah, once. It was the day you left me in the middle of the night actually." She says. That was the worst time to leave. 

"So what happened?" 

"We met for lunch and talked. She looked horrible. I just remembered her as this young beautiful woman, and there she was twenty years later, all washed up. She came clean about why she came to Nashville. Afterwords, I figured we could start acting like mother and daughter, but she would never would show up. I always left her a ticket at my shows, and she claimed it once. That was a year ago." She says. I take a deep breath. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" I ask. 

"Because you had a lot more problems when you were a kid, so I have nothing to complain about." She says. 

"Bullshit." I say. "I would take my situation any day, over the foster home, druggie situation." She nods. 

"I would too." She says, pulling into the house.

We walk in and she pours herself a glass of water. She pulls out the pills and stares at them for a moment. "I should probably take these with food." She says. I can tell she's trying to put it off. 

"I can go upstairs and stare at the ceiling." I say, giving her the freedom to choose. 

"No, you can stay down here. I could use the company." She says. She makes herself an omelet. I love the smell. 

"I'm going to miss talking to you." I say. She nods and takes a deep breath. 

"Don't make this harder than it has to be..." She says quietly. 

"I won't." I say. She looks at me with loving eyes. I wrap my arms around her, to give her a hug, when I'm met with her lips against mine. She doesn't pull away. If anything, she comes in closer, so I go along. I cup her chin in my hand to pull her in closer. Her fingers run through my hair. 

"I love you." She says under her breath. 

"I love you too."

She's laying beside me, wearing my old shirt. I pretend to sleep as she sits up. She stands up and walks into the kitchen. I hear the sink running. 

Then I hear the rattle of a pill bottle, and a swallow.