All I've Ever Wanted (Rough Draft)

Chapter 9 (Kyle)

“What’s a boxcar?” He said not looking up from his train.

I pulled off the red boxcar, he’d handed me and showed it to him, “This is a box car. It is how trains transport things from one place to another.”

“What’s your brother’s name?”

“Aaron,” I said hoarsely.

“Where is he now?”

He was like a reporter. He asked the hard questions, “He’s in heaven.”

“We talk about heaven in my preschool.” He said, “He’s with God and Jesus, eating cotton candy and playing all day.”

I laughed quietly.

“Do you miss him?”

I swallowed a lump in my throat, “Everyday.”

He stopped his train in the middle of the track and stared at it for a moment, “I wish I had brother.”

I looked at him. I gotten him a dog, and was prepared to give him anything he’d asked for but the one thing he’d asked for was the one thing I couldn’t give him. “I’m sure you a friend or two that’s like a brother.”

He shook his head. “Brittany at my school says I don’t have friends because I don’t have a dad.”

I wanted to tell him that Brittany sounded like a real bitch, but the last thing  I needed was for him to talk like me.

“Will you be my dad?”

The question hit me square in the chest and as he looked up at me he nearly broke me down. Jaxon Chase, the hot-headed so called rock star, was nothing in that moment. Just the thought of telling this amazing kid, that shared my DNA, that I helped create, that I couldn’t be his father made me feel like I was lower than scum. “I can be your friend, Augman. As long as I’m here.”

He smiled content with that. His little arms wrapped around me. I held him to me. He smelled like warm cookies. Pulled him in my arms. “You’re killing me, kid.” I said feeling my eyes burn.

He pulled back and looked up at me confused.

I chuckled, “I’m sorry I mean, I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Me too.” His little face lit up and he went back to playing. He was content with me being his friend, and even though neither of us knew how long I would be with him, he was happy. He was like Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol, which made me feel worse. He was content but deserved so much more than I could offer him. Him and his mother.

We played in the toy store for a couple of hours, I even bought him a shiny red fire truck. I went back to Ms. Beverly’s to ask if she knew of a better restaurant to eat lunch than that crap hole of a diner. She thought Auggie was so adorable she decided to turn her bed and breakfast, into a bed, breakfast, and lunch just for him. We had grilled cheese and homemade chicken soup.

After we ate, Auggie rubbed his eyes, and I could tell he was ready for a nap, so I took him to my room and let him take a nap on my bed. He was the single most precious thing I had ever seen. I resisted the urge to call him my son, because the truth was, he wasn’t. I put a throw blanket over him, and sat against the wall and watched him sleep.   

*   * *   *

I didn’t remember dozing off but the loud TV pulled me out of my sleep. I heard the guy on the screen talking about my band Mayday! Our latest song, hit number one on the charts and we were preparing to start the European leg of our next tour. I reached into the creases of the couch until I found the remote and turned off the television. I brushed my hand over my face and felt the lack of facial hair. It wasn’t the thick beard I had before, but more of a trimmed goatee, and my hair was a lot shorter.