Cowboy Casanova

Chapter 31

"This is a song I wrote to all those girls out there, who has ever been mistreated or used by a man. Kick it!" She says. My jaw is literally on the ground as she pretty much openly sings about me deceased husband. 

"You better take it from me, that boy is like a disease. You're running, you're trying, you're trying to hide and you're wondering why you can't get free. He's like a curse, he's like a drug. You get addicted to his love. You wanna get out, but he's holding you down, 'cause you can't live without one more touch." She sings. Gary comes back. 

"What's the title of this song?" I ask, praying it isn't as obvious as the lyrics are. 

"Cowboy Casanova." Gary says. 

"She should've just named it after him." I say. Gary nods while Tim shrugs. 

"He's a good time cowboy casanova, leaning up against the record machine. Looks like a cool drink of water, but he's candy-coated misery. He's the devil in disguise, a snake with blue eyes, and he only comes out at night. Gives you feelings that you don't want to fight. You better run for your life." She sings, looking right at me. 

"Holy shit..." Tim says, covering his eyes. 

"I see that look on your face. You ain't hearing what I say. So I'll say it again, 'cause I been where you been and I know how it ends - You can't get away. Don't even look in his eyes. He'll tell you nothing but lies. And you wanna believe, but you won't be deceived, if you listen to me and take my advice. He's a-" Carrie sings, returning to the chorus. 

"Faith, don't go on, okay?" Gary says. I stare up at the stage. I feel a bit of rage. 

"No." I say, not taking my eyes off her. 

"Faith, really don't." Gary reinstates. 

"I'm not just going to run and hide, Gar." I say. He sighs. 

"Fine. But we are changing your set, and outfit. We will get them to re-order performances so we can get you in a later slot. We need to make you look like a badass, who doesn't need a man." He says, rushing me back to the dressing room. I look helplessly at Tim, who looks shameful. 

"Baby... I'm so sorry." He says. I can only nod. 

I'm now wearing a black blouse with high waisted black jeans. My make up is much darker and my hair is down and full. 

"I don't look like a mother..." I say, looking up at Gary. 

"No, you don't. You look like an independent, sexy, single woman who can live without a man." He says. I can feel Tim fuming from behind me. I smile at Gary and walk out to the stage. "Just breathe." Gary says . I nod. 

"I can do this." I tell myself. 

"Yes, you can." Gary says giving me a smile. "Burn down the house, darlin'!" He says as I run up on stage. 

"Thought we had a good thing, baby, but you pulled the wool over my eyes. Should've seen it coming baby, now all I see is a cool love, dying. Honey, I don't want to hold you down, why you gotta own the lock and the key? Oh tell me baby. Good things just don't come around, and you can't have them for free. No not me... You've been a river of give, and an ocean of take. Darlin' for heaven's sake." I sing. I look over to see Tim standing on the side of the stage staring at me. I feel bad singing bad songs about him, but he cheated. A song is nothing compared to mistresses. I finish the chorus and begin the next song in the melody. 

"I didn't know that I was under your spell, it was real good baby, I couldn't tell. I still be crying as you just left. I beg and pleaded 'til you sold me in hell. You shove me off just like a Mercedez Benz. Some kind of trick that you could show to your friends. All that you needed was a volunteer, someone to love you 'til you disappear. Every time you told me you love me, it was just an illusion, an illusion. Every time you told me you love me it was just an illusion, an illusion. I thought we had it, thought we were magic. I thought we had it, thought we were magic." I sing. Tim's looks at me with sad eyes. I don't know what to tell him. If I forgive him, the public will see me as weak. 

"Abracadabra, in a flash we were through, and you were gone and on to somebody new. I guess you left your heart heat up the sea. So you can leave me wondering why you would you leave. Every time you told me you love me, it was just an illusion, an illusion. Every time you told me you love me, it was just an illusion, an illusion. I thought we had it, thought we were magic. I thought we had it, thought we were magic." 

"You're so good, you had me hypnotized. The way you made tears appear in my eyes. I didn't know that I was under your spell, it was real good baby I couldn't t-t-t-tell!" I belt out.

"Every time you told me you love me, it was just an illusion, an illusion. Every time you told me you love me, it was just an illusion, an illusion." I finish singing. Tim has a slight frown painted on his face as I decide to change the final song. 

"Hey y'all! How you doin' tonight?" I yell into the mic. They scream back, even louder than they did for Carrie. "Y'all enjoyin' tonight's show?" I ask. They all shout. "Alright! Well I'm actually going to change plans. Here's a song I wrote a few nights ago, this is If You Ask." I say, looking over towards Tim. A pianist comes out to play along to the song. 

"Well I've come to know the look on your face, when you're lying about where you've been or how much you spent. I know when you will raise your fingers to your mouth as if to wipe away the shame. It's not a game I know you feel bad." I look at him. His eyes are following me as I perform.

"If you ask for my forgiveness, if you call my name, I will come. If you ask for my love, I will give you some."

"Someday I know you will understand. Someday you'll finally realize, what you're doing to yourself. If you ask for my forgiveness, if you call my name, I will come. If you ask for my love, I will give you some."

"We've been dancing to that same old song, over, and over again. I want to be your lover. I don't want to be your policeman..." I sing. My voice begins to shake as tears start to come from my eyes. I don't look at Tim now, because he'll only make me cry harder.

"So tonight when you finally make your way, back to our door, I'll let you sleep it off, like I did the night before." My hands are shaking, as the words ring true to the situation. The crowd is dead silent. Again, I feel alone... I open my eyes and am blinded by the bright stage light. I can't see anyone in the crowd. 

"When you ask for my forgiveness, when you call my name, I will come. When you ask for my love, I will give you some." I sing. I'm sobbing by now. I wipe away my tears with one hand. I feel like a little girl again.

"In the morning I will get you up, and I will smile just when you want me to..." I sing. I take a moment before the final words to prepare myself.

"'cause I'm all you have." The piano doesn't play on the final words, leaving just my voice. I'm weeping. The crowd is silent to my ears, and I still can't see past the stage light to see them. Are they even there? Everything is silent, except for my cries. I feel so weak, so vulnerable. I want to leave the stage, but I physically cannot move. I hit my knees and continue to cry. That's when Tim's voice awakens me. 

"It's alright baby." He says, wrapping his arms around me. I can hear the crowd roaring and clapping. I open my eyes to see that I've gotten a full standing ovation, including the pianist. I get up at wave to the crowd. Gary runs up and walks me off the stage.