Violet Shadows (FFVII)

XX) Lucrecia's Cave

"If she is happy, then I don't mind."

I swallow hard; that stupid lie he would always tell himself. That stupid lie he still tells himself. The next is a scene I remember very well. Lucrecia and I are speaking in muted voices in the library when she suddenly collapses her seat and crumples onto the floor. I crouch by her side, my screams for Vincent to help reduced to silence as Lucrecia writhes on the floor, clutching her stomach.

"I'm against it! Why experiments on humans!?" Vincent demands, pacing in Hojo's office. "Why her?"

"We are both scientists," Hojo cackles. "We know what we're doing!"

The next scene stings. Rash decisions led to the failure of my purpose, to the suffering of Vincent, to the joy of Hojo. In the image, Vincent shouts, enraged. Hojo turns sharply and fires his gun once, laughing as the Turk collapses to the cold wooden floor, blood oozing into the cracks between the dusty planks. The room goes dark before we see Hojo restraining Vincent to a table, cutting, zapping, stitching. Grotesque flickers of Vincent's suffering play in quick flashes of blood red. Vincent stumbles awake from the daze of the experiments, falling to his bony knees and screaming as the terror of the demons overtakes his mind. The echoing cries are bone-chilling.

"Stop this!" Vincent demands sharply. The cave reverts to its normal state and Lucrecia turns to look at me ruefully, ignoring the stabbing glare Vincent fires in her direction.

"Dear sister.... Everything you suffered..."

"Don't!" I cry, but it's too late. Of course, the first thing she shows is me sprinting through the manor in a towel. Cid chuckles despite our circumstances when it's revealed that I'm shrieking about a spider to a confused Turk—Vincent, of course.

The next vision is the first time I met David. He grins and takes my hand, leading me away from the chaos of Lucrecia's college graduation party. We sit along a dirt path in the woods behind my parent's house, laughing and talking. White. The day he proposed, still dressed in his dirty SOLDIER uniform from the trip to Corel that nearly killed him. White. Me fist pumping and throwing him to ground, giggling. White. The day David came home and scooped up his son, spinning the boy around before kissing me and leading us back inside the Manor. White. Me sobbing uncontrollably at his coffin's side while Vincent looms over me, holding a black umbrella.

"I don't have anything else to live for, Vincent. Promise you won't get in the way?"

"... I swear it."

I bite down hard on the inside of my cheek as the image of me offering myself up to Hojo arises; the cackling and the tugging me into the lab without a moment's hesitation are memories that still haunt my dreams. A demonstration of my hydrophobia comes next; I try not to vomit. Hojo locks me in a tank, tying my ankle down with a heavy chain and filling the tank with freezing water. I awaken immediately, inhaling splashes and waves and screaming through my gurgling throat, banging on the glass in a sick plea for freedom. Bubbles flow from my mouth as the tank reaches its maximum capacity. Hojo drains my lungs and restarts my heart before performing the operation all over again, demanding that I try harder to survive. Lucrecia scribbles down notes in the corner of the laboratory.

The next scene is my first awakening to Shadow. The door to the lab is locked when my cold hand rattles the knob. As I stand in the vision, I can hear a hissing voice. A scream, reverberating throughout my skull. My hair suddenly turns fades to black, my tattered clothes turn to armor, my nails morph into claws. I scramble to Hojo's messy desk, fumbling as I desperately gasp for breath, and snatch up his handgun. With trembling hands, I grip the weapon and hold it to my temple, pulling the trigger without further hesitation. I collapse to the floor with a final heaving breath. the last sound I hear is the slow clap of Hojo's cracked hands as he cackles, concealed by the shadows of his countless volumes of recorded research.