Some Secrets Are Meant To Be Kept[Lashton]

Chapter One

*TRIGGERS-CUTTING SCENE I WILL PUT A WARNING*

*Ashton's POV*

"I love you Lukey."

"I love you too, Amber."

It hurts hearing the one you love hearing them say 'I love you' to their beautiful girlfriend. I've been in love with Luke Hemmings for as long as I can remember with his perfect blonde quiffed hair, piercing blue eyes, and that lip ring. Don't even get me started with that lip ring.

Of course none of the boys know I'm gay or in love with Luke. They would think I'm disgusting and kick me out of the band. Also add me self harming to the mix they would hate me even more. Everybody on Twitter and my inner demons are always right.

I'm ugly, fat, worthless, a fag, and that I don't deserve being in the band.

Why would Luke like me when he has a flawless girlfriend? Her name is Amber Adams and she has the perfect body, blonde hair that goes past her shoulders, and pretty blue eyes (of course not as pretty as Luke's.)

All I have is boring hazel eyes,dirty blonde hair, ugly smile, and an annoying laugh and giggle.

Right now Calum, Michael, Luke, Amber, and I are watching a movie. Michael and Calum are cuddling as are Luke and Amber while I'm all by myself. Since we couldn't find a movie we decided on Toy Story 3 because you can't go wrong with Toy Story.

We were at the part where all the toys are holding hands when Calum spoke up,

"Ashton... are you crying?" Everyone's eyes turned to me as I lifted my hands up to my face and sure enough I was.

"Why are you crying?" Michael asked.

"It's just so sad," I stated.

"Why is it so sad?" Luke spoke up. Also if you're wondering(you probably aren't) Amber is just sitting there watching us.

"It's so sad because they all grab each other's hands thinking they are about to die and yeah," I exclaimed [AN: THIS ALL HAPPENED TO ME]

"Now that you put it that way it kinda is sad," Calum said frowning. With that the conversation ended.

When the movie ended everyone decided to go to bed. Luke grabbed Amber's hand and took her to his room while we all went to our separate rooms.

*TRIGGER-CUTTING SCENE I DON'T WANT TO TRIGGER ANYONE!!!!*

I went to my bathroom made sure I locked the door and felt around in my cupboard for my friend Razor. My back hit the bathroom door as I slid down. I took off my bracelets and put the blade up to my left wrist that was already decorated with many other scars:

One for being gay

One for being in love with Luke

One for being ugly

One for being worthless

One for being fat

One for not being good enough

I sat there looking at the crimson red on my wrist. Cutting reminds me of painting because the blade is my paintbrush, my wrist is my canvas, my blood is paint, and my scars are my creations. I slowly started getting up to clean everything up.

*END OF CUTTING SCENE*

I went into my room and quickly changed into sweats and a T-shirt. I brushed my teeth then went to bed and fell into a deep slumber.

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AN:

THATS THE END OF CHAPTER ONE! SORRY IF IT'S NOT GOOD THIS IS MY FIRST FANFIC SO BEAR WITH ME HOPEFULLY IT WILL GET BETTER

ALSO SORRY IT'S SHORT I WROTE THIS ON MY PHONE AND HOPEFULLY AS THE STORY GOES ON I WILL MAKE THE CHAPTERS LONGER!

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LOVE Y'ALL AND STAY FAB!