I've Got You Under My Skin

28 - Shouto's Struggle

Soon enough, a teacher from UA came to get them and they all got on the bus, making their way back to UA, where all the parents were notified and a few came to pick up their children and speak to the teachers about what happened.

(Y/N) looked on, disappointed but not surprised that her parents didn't make it. Her mum was overseas and her father, along with Shouto's, was probably too busy and hadn't gotten the news yet.

A few students were able to leave soon enough, but (Y/N) remained behind. She smiled and waved at Bakugou as she saw him leave with his father, but he just shot her a look and otherwise ignored her. What an asshole, she thought to herself, rolling her eyes.

Shouto's frown deepened as he watched (Y/N), realizing that she had no intention of leaving. Confusion etched on his face, he walked back to her, his expression questioning.

"(Y/N), what are you doing? We're going back now," he said, eyebrows raised in question.

"We?" (Y/N) asked puzzled, and Shouto nodded in response.

"Of course. After everything that happened today, I won't let you go home alone," he stated matter-of-factly, but when (Y/N) seemed taken aback by his statement, he quickly added, "Reo wouldn't be very pleased with me if I leave you alone now, and neither would my father. So I'll walk you home today. Let's go."

He turned around, ready to lead the way, but her voice halted him in his tracks.

"Actually, Shouto, you go on without me. I'll be fine."

"(Y/N), I'm not asking, (Y/N). I'm taking you back," he replied firmly.

"Shouto, I'm not going back now," she replied, exasperation evident in her voice, "I'm not leaving until I can see Izuku."

Shouto's forehead furrowed as though he hadn't contemplated that, and she fought the urge to roll her eyes at his obliviousness.

"(Y/N), Recovery Girl will probably not let you see him now," Shouto tried to reason.

"Oh, she will," (Y/N) said with such surety that Shouto was surprised, "she told me so."

I have to see Izuku. And All Might, she mentally added.

"(Y/N), come on," he tried to argue, but she shook her head.

"I'm not leaving until I see Izuku, Shouto, and that's final."

Shouto ground his jaw, his expression tense as he moved closer and leaned against the wall next to her, emitting a weary sigh. "Fine."

(Y/N) blinked at him, frowning, "Sho, you can go-"

"I'm not leaving you. I'll wait," he said simply.

(Y/N) stared at him for a moment longer, shaking her head. "You..." she breathed, stroking her wrist, "you know, when you do things like this, they defeat the purpose of whatever it is that you're trying to achieve by ignoring me," she argued, her voice gentle yet resolute.

Shouto sucked in a breath, "I'm not-"

"And then you claim it's because you have to, but we both know that's not true," she spoke softly, her tone pleading, "so just... just stay with me without ruining it by telling me that you don't want this, alright?"

She looked at him with tired and sad eyes, a glimmer of hope still shining through, and Shouto found himself slowly nodding before he fully realized what he was doing.

They stayed like that for a while, (Y/N) leaning on her seat with her head tipped back and eyes closed, taking slow breaths while nervously wringing her hands. He took the opportunity to study her face, admiring her soft features. 

He tried not to look at her too often these days, ever since the last time that he almost lost himself to her, fearing that his true feelings would come out and do more damage. 

But he missed her so much it hurt. It was in these stolen moments when he allowed himself to indulge in her presence that it hit him the hardest.

He had convinced himself that he was prepared to let her go, to believe that his actions were for her own good in the long run. 

But he had failed. She knew... she understood that he cared...

Did she also know that he...

Shouto stopped his thoughts right there, hoping that at least she hadn't realised that part of his heart, the part where he kept his feelings for her carefully hidden away. 

Every day for him was a waking nightmare, where he was taunted by her memory and presence as he attempted to distance himself, to reject her affections - despite wanting to do the total opposite.

His own emotions betrayed him. With every step he took to protect her, every cold tone and look, he hurt himself just as much as he was hurting her by pushing her away. 

But he'd convinced himself it was for the best, that it was the only way that (Y/N) didn't have a life filled with misery, like his mother. 

Every day living like this, he felt himself falling apart. It hurt him more than anything to be the cause of her pain. He hated it with his very being. When would it all pay off? When would he actually get to see her safe and happy from him, his family, the cruel obligations on their shoulders?

The more he thought about it lately, the more he thought there was no light at the end of the tunnel. He'd let feelings betray him, and he was careless. Despite his attempts to let her go, his undeniable affection for her always managed to seep through, making it painfully obvious that he cared.

Shouto had to be strong, dammit! If he didn't push her away, then could he keep her safe then? Not only from himself and his father, but from the terrible future that awaited her if she didn't let him go?

If Shouto didn't let her go?

"(L/N)?" Recovery Girl's feeble voice reached them, and (Y/N)'s eyes snapped wide open.

"Yes?" she asked as she jumped up from her seat.

"Midoriya is awake now, if you want to see him," she replied, before her eyes landed on Shouto.

"Oh?" Recovery Girl looked confused, and strangely alert as she looked at him, and he found himself sitting up.

"Oh!" (Y/N) exclaimed in relief, looking between them both, "Shouto, wait for me here? I'll try to be quick, alright?"

Shouto furrowed his brow, but he couldn't find a logical reason to accompany her into the room where Midoriya was recovering.

"Alright," he reluctantly agreed, sinking back into his seat as she disappeared into the infirmary.

When he was alone, he sighed, shutting his eyes tightly and clenching his fists so tightly that his nails dug into his palms.

(Y/N)... it's getting harder and harder to keep my distance now. How do I control myself to keep you safe?