F I F T Y • S E V E N

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I'm fifty seven and there's blood in my urine.

I know enough to know it's not a good sign. When I go see the doctors the verdict is bladder cancer.

Claire and the kids are freaking out. Claire barely ever lets go of my hand. Eloise is talking about moving back home. Eliah is trying to be strong, is trying to not show how worried he is, but I find him crying in the bathroom one evening.

I need surgery and then immunotherapy. We caught it early, so I'm lucky. That doesn't make anyone freak out less though.

The night before I have to go to the hospital for my surgery and Claire and I are laying in bed she whispers to me, her eyes filled with tears, "I wished we had more years together. I wished I hadn't wasted so many years convincing myself that loving you was wrong. I wish we'd have more time."

"What are you even saying?" I say, my hand cupping her cheek, "We had so many years together. And we'll have many more. Just because we weren't sleeping together in my early twenties doesn't mean we didn't have those years together too. You've been my girlfriend since I was five years old and you were sixteen. I think that counts as many years together."

"I can't lose you now. It's too early. I can't lose you ever," she says and then really starts crying.

I hug her in my arms tightly, whispering soothing words.

The surgery is a success and I go through my treatment like a champ. I'm back to my normal life in no time.

I'm not about to let my Claire lose me any time soon.

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