minnow // sirius black

four

I chose to burden Sirius with my innermost problems.

"But the thing is, even right now, he's staring at you, and if he wasn't chewing food, I'm certain he'd be drooling over you. Jem, he fancies you. He just might not want to pursue it because you're so..."

"Fragile," I said. She nodded sheepishly. "You're right. If he does, he's not going to pursue it. I'm not in any state to get into a serious thing."

She giggled and I rolled my eyes. I turned towards him, catching his eyes. He smiled despite chewing on bacon, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

I could've swooned.

"See! You look at him the same way!" She quietly exclaimed. "You guys are practically meant to be."

"I could say the same for you and James, but you know what you'd say to me?" I turned towards her and raised an eyebrow.

"Never in a million years... unless he stopped being such a douche." She blushed. My eyes widened and my jaw dropped.

"Lily Evans, do you have a crush on my brother?"

"No! He's cute, and funny, but he's a jerk. I could never even think of dating him if he's always this childish," Lily exclaimed. She smiled softly. "However, you have no reason to refrain from pursuing Sirius."

"I do, Lily."

"What reason is that, Jemina?" Lily said, sighing. "You're genuinely just making excuses at this point."

"What if I died?"

Her face dropped, immediately biting her lip.

It was true, and I made it clear to Sirius, who acted like I'd murdered his puppy. I couldn't commit to anyone with my health being so poor - I'd be a miserable ghost, haunting the halls of Hogwarts, if I died and left someone behind who loved me - other than my family.

"You're not going to die, Jem." Lily looked extremely upset.

"I probably won't, but I can't commit to someone, knowing that there's an increased risk of my death on the table. I couldn't handle the idea of falling in love, and then dying. I can't handle the idea of the increased pain he'd go through. It would be bad enough if I had died the other day - being a close friend, but if he was in love with me? I can't do that to anyone, Lily." I tilted my head, frowning and furrowing my brows. Her eyes watered as she gnawed on her cheek.

"I understand," She said quietly. "I'll talk the boys into dropping the bet - at least until you're healthier."

"You guys are bloody ridiculous," I smiled. "Besides, you and Biscuit are enough for me."

Lily smiled, but I saw the sadness behind it.

My first day of classes went by as well as expected. I sat between Remus and James during lunch, and then between James and Lily during dinner. By the time we got to the Common room to hang out for a while, I was extremely tired.

As expected, Sirius and Peter immediately went to the sign-up sheet. Since Lily's blood was incompatible with mine, we told her that if she wanted to donate, she could, but I wouldn't be using any - and Remus has too much anxiety about the wolf in his own veins to donate - so I told him not to.

Sirius literally put his name at the top of the list, above the actual first name, and Peter had to flip two pages before he got to an opening. My heart swelled as Sirius sat next to me on the loveseat.

I leaned my back against him, breathing deeply.

"I'm exhausted," I mumbled. "It's been a long day."

"You have to get used to this again, Jem," Lily said quietly. "And about earlier, it's cute either way."

I rolled my eyes, and I felt Sirius chuckle. He leaned his mouth towards my ear. "She's so observant."

I closed my eyes and nodded the slightest bit.

"You're cute," I retorted to Lily. "Not as cute as Biscuit though."

I heard her snort. I could hear the smile and the heat in her cheeks in the snort.

I fell asleep against Sirius, but I woke up in my dorm room.

Lily turned towards me as she heard me rustling in my bed. "McGonagall removed the charm for James and Sirius specifically. I think she got tired of being woken in the early morning."

"Oh, that's good," I said as I rolled over. "Did you feed Biscuit?"

"Yes, I fed him a while ago. Now I'm just reviewing your notes on Transfiguration."

"Why mine? Is there something wrong with them?" I asked turning to look at her for a moment.

"No, your notes are always more detailed than mine."

"Oh, okay."

I turned back, closing my eyes and pulling my covers around my neck.

"Goodnight, Jemina."

"Goodnight, Lily."